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Hello, I would just like to say that Mike Smith is my younger brother. (See reference in Mark's March 1, 2005 rant) Hi Mark, Nate
Drew Rosenhaus is the worst thing that has happened to sports since the American League allowed designated hitters in 1973.
I'm too lazy to go into the HTML and digress under my own page so I'll do it here. To answer Scott's question: If a cricket chirps on a website and nobody's there to hear it, does it show up in the source code? I'm going to NM and AZ with a beautiful woman; that ain't bad. I just have to get through the next couple of hours of graduation service and report card handing out and being nice to parents and visitors and then I've got inservice tomorrow morning for a few hours. Oh, and I've got to get ready for my trip...I don't think I'll sleep tonight. But that's okay. bye
Wow it has been quiet here. I know your training to become the best softball player ever consumes a lot of your time these days, but I thought you'd at least make a comment or two.
I still love you, Brett.
I still love you, Brett.
This site is almost as lonely as my life.
This site is almost as lonely as my life.
Happy Birthday, Mark.
Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Mark, happy birthday to you. Don't forget to thank your grandmother for the birthday greetings she sent to you!
Happy birthday, Mark.
Happy Birthday, Braden.
Happy Birthday, Tom.
Happy birthday, Scott.
I have a place for beer. Brett, I love you.
I have beer.
Yes, happy birthday, Josh. When are you going to be home for Easter? Not like you read this or anything but this way it looks like I'm trying.
Happy birthday, Josh.
It was the game before the championship.
My digressions page is down, in case you haven't figured it out yet. I'm planning on doing a little Spring-cleaning with it when I get a chance and/or when I am completely bored. I want to apologize to my legions of fans out there. But this by no means means that your means of digressing is down; so feel free to digress.
I'm going to Miami in March, and to Europe this summer. Yes, I am selling drugs to finance my travels -- in case you were wondering. In case you are a law-enforcement officer reading this, the previous comment about selling drugs was a joke.
I think it's time for you to change your Mr. Trite-Conversation-Starter-of-the-Week.
Usually it's Mom that teaches those things...
That's because he's learned everything from me.
Dr. Love is getting schooled by an average-looking, underpaid, socially-inept, and Peter Gabriel-obsessed teacher from Milwaukee. Way to go Mark.
Mark's reply: I'm underpaid? Crap.
I use our computer for only three things… shopping, e-mail (that I rarely respond to) and solitaire. And now I’m on the verge of rendering this contraption even more useless by no longer shopping. There is too much information out there and it’s giving me a “bad mom” complex. I have been tirelessly searching the internet for the very best baby products I can find. Evidently I have the knack of choosing only things that other more experienced parents describe as: “a waste of money” “the stupidest thing ever designed for a child” “able to sever limbs if not closely monitored” “can easily tip over” etc… etc… etc… Then if I actually register for something that will not cause irreconcilable harm, the next time I go to the store they have completely changed the models/styles/products and I have to start all over. I’m not a dumb person really! I actually have a masters degree but this is the most complicated thing I’ve ever done. Mary had the right idea: manger, some hay and swaddling cloths. That’s it!
It is truly a sad, sad day when the likes of The Cabbage are no longer immune from the ever expanding world of useless crap that the spammers hurl in our general direction. who goes to these sites anyway? I mean the spam sites, not The Cabbage, everyone goes to the cabbage! (or should)
All of you will be home for my birthday (except for No 1 son, who will be in pain). We are going out to eat Saturday night. I'm agree that Tom would say "Tony," especially since he's never seen the Sopranos!
Tom's reply: Tony.
My answer would be my commish, Tony Scali.
The less I try, the better of a job people think I am doing. People are stupid. In addition, the more I whine, the more people think I care. People are stupid.
Happy Birthday to Brett. My baby is 21!
One more thing: Isn't it sad that the NFL fines a player $30,000 for taking out a cell phone after scoring a TD but yet fines another player only $10,000 for making an obscene gesture to the crowd?
Happy birthday to me. Paul, I have your dad for class. I've got nothing else.
Yes, it was me. I was visitor #1240. I know that you're all wondering who it was and I can now say with a confidence similar in nature to how Carson would say a monologue, that it was me. How about that Johnny, eh? I just heard that Leno was going to be stepping down as sort of host of The Tonight Show in the next few years. Amazing that he's been there OVER TEN YEARS NOW, isn't it? All the drama that went on between him and Letterman vying for that gig and it is over a decade old now. Has Jay ever stepped out of Carson's shadow? Ever? Nope. Not even close. I think the audience sticks around hoping for Johnny to make a guest hosting appearance, but all this time: no dice. It's kind of like watching TV only because you never know when the next Lee Harvey Oswald prison transfer is going to be aired or when the next Al Cowling taking a leisurely drive in L.A. televisual feast will occur. I was rewatching my best of Carson DVD set and alls I can say is that Jay should've quit as soon as he heard that Dave was interested in the job. The only good thing that came of the entire Jay/Dave/Tonight War is Conan O'Brien. That's it. Oh and Dave's show managed to get better still, despite shingles and heart surgery and babies and everything, Dave is still the best. But as long as Jay is thinking about tanking, give Dave the show or better still: GET JOHNNY BACK! Hip young audience wouldn't go for it? Good! You see, here's my theory: as the Baby Boomers gray across this great land of ours, making Social Security irrelevant for the rest of us, they are THE huge TV audience. They're the TV generation! Go for that demographic! Just because they're in their 40s and 50s and 60s doesn't mean they don't like buying things. They love the concept of buying things in general! Go for them and let the teeny whiners have their 612,890 OTHER shows on TV. Give Johnny the 11:30 time slot on weeknights on the growing irrelevant everyday networks. These Boomers grew up with Carson and unfortunately he left before I could really get into him. But what I could watch growing up is a warm memory. I was the only one in my 8th grade class that was saddened by his leaving. And watching his ease in front of the camera whilst poring over these Best Ofs, I get depressed because I remember that the networks encouraged his leaving because they viewed Arsenio as the next great thing. That's right: ARSENIO HALL. Ahem. Well I think we all see where that went. The same place that M.C. Hammer pants and Brian Bosworth's film career went: STRAIGHT INTO THE BOWELS OF HELL ITSELF. Which, dear reader, is a good thing, remember that. So Mr. NBC, as I know you're an avid Cabbage-related website reader, bring back Karnak. Bring back Joan Emery. Bring back Hy-YO! Where's Doc? Where's Ed? Where's the "HOW (BLANK) WAS IT?" audience responses? And most importantly, WHERE'S JOHNNNNNNNNNNY??!?!?!?
Mark’s
reply: Well, that depends on how you look at it. Down for us is up for most of the world's population, so I guess I'd say my shoes.
If only you belonged to a cult that believed the dead stay with us, then you wouldn't die lonely, you'd just join the well-populated ethereal invisible cloud of the living dead that is around us right now keeping us company - ha.
I've noticed a sad trend here at MLC: Whenever the Packers win on Sunday, I notice a few people wearing Packer apparel on the following Monday; however, when the Packers lose on Sunday, I never see anyone sporting a Packer jersey, shirt, hat, or suspenders.
Name and Location:
Paul
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Are you dead?
Mark's reply: Well, my social life is, but other than that, I'm all too alive. I shall digress soon on my page.
Ben, thanks for the advice. I plan to follow your prescription this evening.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Forgive the "you're/your" error. I apologize. I was tired, but irregardless, that's not an excuse.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Mark? Nevermind.
Mark’s
reply: okay.
Paul, if I may call you Paul, I know you're question was for Mark, but allow me to throw out an answer to relieve teaching madness. Alcohol. Be sure to support your local alcohol establishment! This message has been brought to you by your Local Booze Council, who urge all people of all ages to indulge! Booze, it's what replaces dinner!
Name and Location:
Paul
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
How do you keep a teacher from going insane?
Mark’s
reply: I follow Ben’s advice above.
I've gone mad.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.pantsareoptional.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, if you were going to take over the world in a villainous way, what would your caper be? You know, something so big that you'd have to call in the entire Justice League because Superman alone couldn't handle it alone-type of scheme?
Mark’s
reply: The wheels are already turning,
my friend.
Well seeing as how Brett has managed to have all the glory of being No. 1,000 to view Mark's digression arena, I think we should all pause and reflect for a moment. Ahhhh....that's nice isn't it? Oh so peaceful.... Anyway, now that the moment of peace is over, let's all give Brett a great big hand for taking the time to sit there for several hours refreshing the page until the odometer rolled around to one grand. Kudos to you, Mr. Ehlke! So is there anything that has been sticking in my craw as of late? Well why else would someone be here on these pages? So here's some random utterings of nonsense for those 11 people that are starving for some kind of new material within this electronic superhighway nether-region. I have a new person on this planet that deserves my daggers of loathing. This isn't a specific person, but a general type of person. You see them all over at this time of the year. They are the "men" that wear those flimsy gray scarves everytime they go out. At best these articles of clothing keep someone warm as well as any moist cocktail napkin. At worst, they can't even swab up all the blood that comes from the severe injuries that I wish to commit on their scrawny, espress-drinking, sneering, rather preppy, and insignifcant asses. You know these types. They ENJOY Native American tribal dances. They go to art museums in order to hold their hands contemplatively on their chins whilst looking at a Monet and say, "Hmmmmmm...." at the same time. They can't have doughnuts because croissants are the ONLY pastries on this green earth worth touching their lips. They watch foreign films without subtitles, even though they don't speak the languages represented, because "the film should communicate beyond such petty boundaries such as language". Now maybe it is my fault for having been in several Barnes & Noble stores within a short amount of time and therefore have seen these "men" in abundance. And yes, it is only the guys. The ladies there and anywhere can wear any number of scarves and I won't bat an eyelash regarding their safeguards against the weather. After all, I've surmised that women have a lower resistance level to colder weather. Guys can get down to a t-shirt in 20 degree weather and think that it's just a trifle brisk outside but tolerable. Women want to start burning furniture once the thermometer reads below 60. I'm not saying that women are weaker in this regard, personally I think that they're wired to be smarter in regard to avoiding hypothermia. But what is the purpose of this washcloth/scarf that these little she-males are wearing during the winter? Am I missing something? What drives me even crazier is when they bother to actually throw this flimsy thing around their necks when outside. This is not a woolen scarf that can actually protect your neck from up to 0 degrees Kelvin outside, it is a glorified Wet-Nap. This is a doily, give it up. Put down the volume of your poetry that you bring with you into the Starbucks in order to attract attention and get rid of the scarf. And one final unrelated point from this evening. I went to go see the W.C. Fields film "Million Dollar Legs" tonight and before they started the flick they were playing a Jimmy Durante radio broadcast over the theater speakers. While I'm listening, the guy behind to the left mentions that the last time he ever saw Jimmy Durante on TV was on some date in 1967 on the Smothers Brothers show. He mentioned the EXACT date. THE EXACT DATE for something that wasn't even close in significance to say Kennedy being shot, the Challenger exploding, your children being born, or even the first day you realized that Whitney Houston wasn't that attractive or talented. He didn't sound like Rain Man or Mr. Spock, so I go into this flick completely bothered by wondering why in heaven's nomenclature this schmuck would know the EXACT date he last saw Jimmy Durante on TV. I mean I have a great many interests and hobbies and loves when it comes to the entertainment industry but I'll be hanged if I can remember the exact day I first watched the cartoon MASK on TV or the day that I first heard the greatest band in the world, Huey Lewis & The News, or the day that I saw a movie that starred Humphrey Bogart where he DIDN'T smoke. I bet this guy was wearing on of those flimsy scarflettes in the darkened theater too. "Oh well, I mean I'm just a casual fan, you know. *sniff* But I can remember the last time I heard the Cheap Trick Live At Budokan album. Cold in here isn't it? Anyway, it was on October 18th, 1993 at 5:42 PM. Brrr...chilly. Are you finished with your croissant?"
Name and Location:
Brett
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
I'm lucky 1000!
Name and Location:
Brett/New
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Congratulations to Brett Krause and Michelle Marks who were engaged on November 15, 2004.
Name and Location:
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Where are you?
Mark’s
reply: In the State of
Name and Location:
Dr. Love / A state of disbelief
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Will Kerry pull a Gore and recant his concession?
Mark’s
reply: Yes. I mean no.
I said he would before I said he wouldn’t.
I can't believe Kerry is conceding without a fight. Maybe he knows the negative impact for the democratic party's image of two consecutive drawn-out disputed elections. Kerry showed some class; Dr. Love is mildly impressed. Edwards, on the other hand, is a little lawyer punk. "We're gonna fight this till the end...blah blah blah." I can almost imagine Kerry slapping Edwards upside the head in a cartoon-like manner and saying "Shut up your mouth!"
Name and Location:
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Packers are the greatest team ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mark's reply: Yes. Yes, they are.
Name and Location:
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
You're not going to pull a Fredo, are you?
Mark's reply: There's no place for talk like that here.
Name and Location:
Brett
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
The true test is tomorrow: We are watching GF 1, and she has never seen it.
Name and Location:
Brett/New
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Who needs illusion of love and affection when you're out walking in the streets with your mainline connection?
Mark's reply: Rael certainly didn't and neither do I.
Dr. Love, you will always remain the master in my book. Now what's all this talk about a woman? Are you prescribing yourself some of your own medicine? Scott, the only reason I'm bringing Lori home for Thanksgiving is because she has nowhere else to go. I just hope I'm not forced to do the prayer. And let's not be too hasty; Thanksgiving is still over a month away. There's still plenty of time for her to break-up with me. By the way, it's steak night tonight. I'm going to read Billy Miller's editorial, "Crap! I Missed Steak Night!," to get in the mood. (Read it here.)
Name and Location:
Scott/Work (where else?)
Email:
sehlke@wi.rr.com
Homepage:
www.homestarrunner.com (it's Dot Net)
Question for Mark:
If Buck is 'The Snow Dog', wouldn't your new dog have to be the enemy of Buck to be called By-Tor? That doesn't seem to be the kind of situation you'd like to foster in your dogs. And what the heck is are the Tobes of Hell anyway?
Mark's reply: No. I don't know, but is that where you got the name "Toby"? Perhaps I should use the name "Geddy." I'm watching the ALCS game and just saw a boy wrapping his head in plastic wrap...that's good thinking.
I think I've digressed quite a bit in my question already. However, I did wanted to point out that I am in fact NOT pregnant. My wife is pregnant. I know you probably don't have a lot of knowledge of how that whole process works, so I thought I might help clear it up for you and the others that are without woman. Can you believe Brett is actually brave enough to bring a woman home for Thansgiving?
Mark's reply: I'll believe it when I see it. I assumed the role of older, wiser, more cynical brother by telling him that she is probably with him now because he's different than other guys, but that soon enough she'll grow tired of him and dump him for no apparent reason and that he'll end up going temporarily (in)sane and drive to South Dakota and his car will break down and the only solace he'll find in the weeks following will be to get drunk at his brother's bachelor party. Wait a minute...is Josh getting married?
Name and Location:
Dr. Love / A Short Week
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Yes, I bought the pie scooper and spatula for her. She liked them. I am happy.
Mark's reply: Then I am happy. My advice is to watch out for her; teachers are crazy.
Name and Location:
Dr. Love / Hovering in the Stratosphere
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Mark's reply: I fixed your spelling. How can a poor-spelling high school English teacher get a girlfriend and I can't? No, I'm not bitter. Happy birthday. Did you get the spatula and pie server?
Brett, Kudos on your "relationship," I hope it goes well. Although Mark is playing the part of cynic and pessimist, I know he's really happy for you. He has to be; what else could cover up layers upon layers of jealousy toward his more successful (you did have the privilege of attending the WLS Symposium) and better looking brother? At any rate, the student truly has become the master -- both to your brother, and, what is far more impressive, to me, Dr. Love. Well played, well played indeed. Respectfully submitted, Dr. Love
Name and Location:
Brett/New
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
How's Buck? I miss him.
I am the 687th visitor to Mark D.'s Daily Digressions. I'm tired.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.thosefewvetsthatarestillundecidedaboutkerry.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, what is love?
Ah, hello to all of you out there in this nation of digression. I just
wanted to point out that I was the 600th person that looked at Mark's
digression area! It was me! I was also the 601st person because I backed up and
went forward again just to watch the number change over. So, in your face! O'
course Marky Mark hasn't digressed in about a month and frankly kids, I'm
getting a little worried about him. Sure I know that the school year is in full
swing and what teacher wouldn't be overcome with glee about that? Besides just
about every teacher I've ever known or heard about, I mean. Nothing really new
to speak about or even bring up in a snide aside. Kind of sad really. Just
watched FahrenHYPE 9/11, which if you haven't heard is the reply to Michael
Moore's film from the other side of the fence. Personally I think they should
be sold together in a budget pack, but that's me. I mean if they can combine
Name and Location:
Nathan R. Ossmann,
Email:
ossmanns@yahoo.com
Homepage:
www.geocities.com/ossmanns
Question for Mark:
Why is "prog" rock so named? Quite frankly, I don't really recognize all that much artistic "progression" in my personal favorite prog bands such as Metallica, Lynrd Skynrd, and the Backstreet Boys. What gives?
Mark's reply: Thanks for the kind words below, first of
all. To answer your question, I happen to think that you may be a bit
confused as to what constitutes a "progressive rock" band.
Although, after reading your relatively obscure reference to some of Brian
Eno's work, I'm not so sure. I really would like to write something
funny, but I don't joke around when it comes to progressive rock. I just
can't do it. Leave me alone! "All you progressive hypocrites,
handing out your trash. It was mine in the first place, so I burned it to
ash!" By the way, for anyone reading this, The Musical Box
(www.themusicalbox.net) is playing in
So here I am, at the downtown Appleton, WI City Center mall mooching off their wireless Internet on my wife's new work laptop for the very first time, and, in a Yahoo! search for other "Appleton, WI wireless hotspots" I am met with the link to the website for the Copper Rock Coffee Company, 'webmastered' by yours truly, the one and only Mark D. Ehlke, formerly an acquaintance of mine--a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. Delving deeper, I am further greeted (in a nod to unashamed and unabashed shameless self-promotion) with a link to the personal website of said Mr. Ehlke, who seems to have, if nothing else, an incredible amount of spare time on his hands. Good thing he's using it only to help the forces of good, which, in this case, is his life-long ongoing supremely noble cause of indoctrinating unsuspecting lesser mind forms (i.e. his students) to the love of what is known only to him as the "early days" of Genesis--well before Phil Collins left his talentless cohorts for his historic, glorious years of incubation at Disney, and only shortly before Peter Gabriel "hooked up" (whatever that means) with Brian Eno and made Music in an Airport Terminal, or something like that. Point is: I am tickled to be able to make a lasting contribution to this, the most immortal offshoot of the venerable MLC "Cabbage"-days, and trust that, as long as people continue to nod and smile politely every time Mark brings up the genius of King Crimson in polite conversation, he will not become too discouraged and creative enterprises such as this one will continue, for the benefit of all who care. Including me! Thanks Mark--I wish you the best!
Name and Location:
Nathan R. Ossmann,
Email:
ossmanns@yahoo.com
Homepage:
www.geocities.com/ossmanns
Question for Mark:
Why are so many MLC-ites doing so
many different things with their lives--except teaching in
Mark's reply: What are they doing? Can we get
some examples? I personally don't see any reason why any
Name and Location:
Brett, New
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
When should I arrive on Saturday? Should I invite Jeff over for the game on Sunday?
Mark's reply: Done and done. Jeff Schone?
At least they buckled down after the first quarter, and only gave up 24 points in the next three. Ah, crap.
Name and Location:
Paul
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Why aren't you coaching the Packers D, or at least playing D-back?
Mark's reply: It hurt not having Mike or Carrol. Did you see the other guestbook lately? Somebody's really got some balls to write what he/she did.
Stupid Packers defense
Name and Location:
Katie /
Email:
sotolar@wisc.edu
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Were you to have sex with a national landmark (American or Canadian, given that marrying it was legal and you'd done so), which would it be and why?
Mark's reply: Well, I'm not really into the whole cross-cultural thing, so I suppose my inanimate friends to the north would be out. As for Americans, is Rebecca Stamos considered a landmark? I know that her husband is, especially after his stint on Full House...
My first digression...where to begin? A bit of background on myself,
perhaps, would be a good jumping-off point. I'm currently a freshman at
UW-Madison. In May, I graduated from MLHS in
Name and Location:
Dr. Love/ Northwoods shanty
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Fine Mark (you big crybaby), How has your romance life been lately?
I
Name and Location:
Mom Ehlke
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
If you're the 2nd most atttractive, maybe Joy is the first!
Name and Location:
Brett, New
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Mark, A.J. Kruse and Freddie both say that you are the 2nd most attractive Ehlke. I guess that means Tom's number one.
Name and Location:
Brett Ehlke, New
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
The night went really well. I made tacos at her place (kind of a risky move because I had never made tacos before), and then we watched a movie. We have another date this Saturday so I owe it all to you, Dr. Love.
Name and Location:
Dr. Love --
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
actually for Brett: How'd the other night go?
Mark's reply: This forum is not for discussing my better-looking brother's romantic adventures.
Name and Location:
Brett, New
Email:
ehlkeba@hotmail.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
What kind of deodorant do you use?
Mark's reply: Deodorant?
McKenzie is back.
Name and Location:
Paul Mattek,
Email:
you know it by now
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
When are you going to digress again? My life loses meaning every time I see the site bereft of new digressions.
Mark's reply: I will try to digress this weekend. Your life must be more pathetic than mine.
I am tired. I never noticed before that the submit button has an ! on it.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.ahscrewit,Ican'tthinkofanythingfunny.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, what kind of fishing lure would you recommend for early spring? Is it better to use Crisco or Pam to grease up? And how are they when you use them for actual cooking?
Mark's reply: I like the old spinner bait for the cool spring waters. I only grease up a few things and lures ain't one of them. I prefer butter.
Satan! Boy, you old son of a so-and-so! I knew that sooner or later you'd be making an appearance on these pages. Since Friends went off the air, I guess you're looking for a new project to executive produce now, eh? After all, of all people, you'd think that Beelzebub would need to digress once in a while, given his situation. I mean it doesn't seem all to promising for him does it? Good thing he's using his chance to digress on these pages. After all it must be rather boring listening to Hitler down in the hoary netherworld. "Sure 'Dolf. Sure, the Aryan section is just under construction right now. We'll be separating you soon enough. Man, don't you ever let up?" Ahahahah! Boy the kooky adventures that must happen in that eternal torment, being separated from the presence of God and all. Whew! Oh, and by the way, thanks for sticking it in there even though you know that your situation is pretty hopeless. What a model of stick-it-to-itiveness. By the by, I repelled your agents the last time we tussled. That's right, Sprint PCS won't get me again! HAH! So there O Horned One! And is it a dry heat down there? Then again, a humid hell would be even worse torment I'd think. Kind of like being stuck in Courtland, MN for a decade of Julys with no hope of getting out and the bars have all been closed. YIKES! All that's left on the store shelves is sparkling mineral water and salt licks. And no, dear reader I am not of the devil, but I would love to have his agent. He's responsible for so many careers as of late, that I'd be a shoo-in. I mean honestly: would Jet have even been let near a recording studio without the Dark One's help? "What we're looking for is a bunch of guys that look like Rolling Stones roadies from the Black and Blue '76 tour to get together and play an arrangement of Iggy Pop and the Stooges tunes. But where to find them...?" Look at Ashton Kutcher's popularity. Need I say more? That's all for now, but gosh it was good to talk to you, Mephistopheles! Won't be seeing you anytime soon. Bub-bye!
Name and Location:
Satan, Third ring of hell
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
When are you going to come visit...
Mark's reply: I think the devil needs to work on his punctuation.
Dear poor pathetic human, I have seen the future and the past. The time is now for you to become what you know what you must be. Your soul is open to me, I can see your fear of life, you must accept the mantle of leadership for yourself. When next we speak you will not know me,but that didn't stop you before. You must take heed, their coming for me, I must leave, Fair thee well and see you soon.
Name and Location:
Paul Mattek,
Email:
pmattek@sclhs.org
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
How many presidents have you met?
Mark's reply: About as many logically thinking girls as I've encountered.
You're answer to my last question was great, thanx.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.crabfrostedflakes.com
Question for Mark:
Mark (optional), is it OK if I do this, even though I said I wouldn't in the future? Oh, and could you have a regular recipe page? Oh, and a pictures page with all of the beautiful women that want to date you like mad?
Mark's reply: yes, no, yes, in no particular order.
Well hello and good morning to the lot of you! Of course it's Friday! Thank
goodness for the weekend, eh? I can take two days off and do whatever I darn
well want to do. Whew! Well, I needed the break. Thanks to all those that sent
their birthday wishes to me. Much thanks indeed. I realize that chances are it
was coerced and you fell into my little trap of supposed guilt. AHA! I still
got it! Of course there were those that didn't say a thing and that's fine with
me. I suppose. I mean it's not like I ask for much anyway. It's just a struggle
some days to even get up to face the world. What's the point?! I mean each
minute of each hour of each day I try to think of reasons why I shouldn't take
the gas pipe, and some little shred of recognition would go a loooooong way,
but noooooooo... My birth doesn't bring forth response, why should my
horrendous self-inflicted and gruesome death by bludgeoning be any different?
Oh and don't worry about the self-bludgeoning, I can manage just fine! It's not
like any of you would help anyway. Darn spoilsports! Oh, and I can't take the
gas pipe as the stove is electric, but never you mind that! But enough fun,
last night I had the fortune to be with my father to witness the Milwaukee
Brewers battle with the Chicago Cubs at
Name and Location:
U. Herman Zweibel/ The
Email:
zweibel_luvs_u@yahoo.com
Homepage:
www.theonion.com
Question for Mark:
Who do you think you are?
Mark's reply: It depends on what mind-altering drug(s) I happen to be on at the time. Sometimes I think I'm 13th century Sufi poet Mevlana Rumi; other times I think I'm the good-looking guy on the OC...you know, the one who gets all the chicks. But usually I think I'm just a pathetic loser who has no real purpose in life. By the way, what does the "U" stand for?
You may be acquainted with my paramount exertion as the publisher emeritus
of The Onion or in my day it was called The Mercantile Onion. Some of you naive
Luther worshippers have thought that I was deceased and suffering in hell's
flaming pit, but alas, you close-minded Germans, I am still here. My paper is
still lively and prosperous. Our website is updated weekly, and for those of
you rich
Name and Location:
Aunt Kay/Couch
Email:
kaystess@charter.net
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
What does happen if you make espresso with Water Joe instead of plain water?
Mark's reply: I'd have to know the milligrams of caffeine in Water Joe and in a basic cup of espresso. I'm guessing it would be like having a double shot of espresso, assuming their caffeine levels are equivalent...but, wait...no, I would think that since espresso uses just a few ounces of water it would only add a little bit of caffeine. Now if you would brew regular coffee using Water Joe then it would be like having a cup of coffee with a shot of espresso. You should try that. Perhaps I'll talk to Seth or Bill (they started a coffee shop) and get their expert opinion. I have to say that this was the absolute best question I've ever been asked...and not just on this web page...the very best question in all my life. Are you mixing pain pills with your Water Joe? If you don't have any, I think Joy's got some good stuff. Else Buck can hook you up with some anticonvulsants. By the way, I heard from somebody that she heard that someone else heard that there were something like 38 broken ankles at Whistling Sprains as of Friday.
Don't have to use your minutes on me, Mark. My screws are tight now and I'm feeling much better.
Name and Location:
Joy Ehlke
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Do you have a list of the family's telephone numbers?
Mark's reply: I don't have Kay's number. I do have your number. I just hope it's Kevin and Stephanie (who would have ever thought two Ehlke boys would have wives?) going home because Scott needs to play softball tonight. Pain pills are good. I'll call you later tonight; I am almost out of cell minutes right now and am waiting till the 19th when my bigger plan kicks in.
If you know you should be calling your mother, who is in trenendous pain, and your aunt, who also is in tremendouse pain, why don't you? I know for a fact both of them would love to hear from you. One of your brothers and his wife are even going home just to see that your mom is ok. (Well, ok, they're also going to a wedding.) If there are errors in this, don't mention them. I'm on heavy duty pain pills.
Name and Location:
Paul Mattek,
Email:
pmattek@sclhs.org
Homepage:
coming soon
Question for Mark:
How the heck do you teach english good?
Mark's reply: Your supposed to capitolize "English", Paul.
At long last I'm back (I know you've missed me). This is I: the writer of
the piece entitled "A Short Story by Paul Mattek," which has been
posted on the site for many months now. I know you've all read it, and now
await with eager anticipation for the next time pearls of wisdom flow from one
portion of my brain to another, down nerves to my fingers, from keystroke to
electronic encryption, through ethernet, T-1 lines, and cable, to an ISP
(possibly many), back through wires - or air - to your computer, from the
screen, and finally, to your optic nerves and brain; when and whence your
endorphins fly. I just realized, again, how my writing never really reflects
what I am thinking. I sit here, reading what I just wrote, and think, "Who
am I trying to be, Ben Wink?" Do I really have a burning desire to attempt
witticism after witticism in an attempt to impress (or distress) this site's
readers? No way, I'd rather rip on Mark. See, there I go again. I have no
desire to rip on Mark either (although there is so much SO MUCH that I could
bring up. [When Mark stays at your house for a week having previously stayed
awake for almost 48 consecutive hours, it makes for some rather hilarious
situations.] There I go again; there was nothing hilarious about it at the
time. Mark had a broken heart, a broken car, and the unfortunate foresight and
intuition to know that his dog Buck would soon be having some medical trials.
Having looked back at this entire digression, it is all crap. I was really just
looking for something to take my mind off how I am not in any way ready for the
upcoming schoool year. I am sorry for having wasted your time. By the way Mark,
give me a call soon; I am leaving for
Name and Location:
Martin Luther
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Did you realize that you are the 3rd most popular Lutheran? (After me and Jesus)
I don't understand why more people don't use this digression page. If I knew English, I'd write something on here everyday. I'd call it Tablespeak or something like that.
Name and Location:
Mark
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
How do you get so many chicks?
okay, Brett
Name and Location:
Brett
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
But I was writing in regards to your latest digression. Thus, I felt it would be fitting to post it on your website. However, I will comply with your wishes. Oh wait...
Name and Location:
Brett
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
But I was writing in regards to your latest digression. Thus, I felt it would be fitting to post it on your website. However, I will comply with your wishes. Oh wait...
Name and Location:
Mark
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Brett, let's keep our private discussions on Dan's website.
Name and Location:
Brett
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
No need to apologize, Mark.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
None, so back off you HOSERS!
Question for Mark:
Why is it that sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much?
Well, digression fans, I just thought I'd come plowing in for what will be the last little nugget I shall leave on this pages. Frankly, I don't think anyone really reads this thing anymore and as Mark the founder of this particular venue has now exclaimed that he's found good in life, I've found that it'll be even lonelier here than before. So thanks to the four of your that have been reading whatever natterings and scribblings I've left here for the past months or years or decades or whatever. I'm sure that without your support, I never could've come up with whatever I came up with, poorly conceived and grammar butchering as it all was. Actually, I just wrote when I felt like it and the people who read this, if any, never really had any bearing but I just wanted to schmooze for a second or two. Well, I guess I'll be the cynic from now on and everyone else can just go on with their lives. In other words, if you didn't think so before, I'm the arsehole, don't worry. Hey as soon as something happens that makes life good for me, I'll let you know. But I couldn't write here because this is a digression area. Hmmm... I guess I'll take out an ad somewhere in the paper exclaiming that good was found. Don't fret. Before I go I just wanted to give a word concerning the now late yet still great Ray Charles. I know that Reagan died and that managed to take up most if not all of the media's attention. And if I really thought that the presidency really mattered all that much to national policy I would be more saddened, but Ray was a definite loss. Ray was an R&B, soul, and everything else legend. Brother Ray had a fantastic voice and incredible musical skills and will be sorely missed. I had the good fortune to see him two years ago in concert and was impressed and delighted. I wonder how I'll ever make it through life at times and see this black, blind, and eventually elderly and ill man give it all he's got and I'm inspired. He beat the odds and became a household name because of it. Incredible. Give it up for Brother Ray and take some time to listen to his amazing catalog of music. I guess that's it. Gotta fly. Bye.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.donhenleyisgod.com
Question for Mark:
Mark? HELLOOOOO? MARK? Wake up, honey, and get your shoes on; we're at grandma's. When giving the finger to someone whilst driving should you also smile, give an angry look, or start making kissy faces? I'm just perplexed!
Mark's reply: I try not to give the finger whilst driving; you never know who the recipient might be.
Well, the old adage is defintely true. If you're getting some, chances are
you ain't writing, that's why I'm the only one who's putting stuff down in
these pages, because yes dear reader, I ain't getting any. Now in the context
of a Christian lifestyle, one should not want to "get any" after all
this happens to cross that sixth commandment area quite blatantly. However, a
little show of affection wouldn't hurt now would it? The last meaningful
relationship I had was today at the drivethru at Culver's where I received a
half-hearted smile from the girl working the window. I think she's playing
apathetic to get, but I'll wear down her walls of resistance. Soon, I will get
all the benefits of that relationship, what with all the free Pepsis and
sundaes. My uncle says that women are like buses, there's always another one
coming around the corner in twenty minutes. Of course, the last ladies he has
dated always looked like they came from a bus station, so I guess I can
understand where he gets the simile. They're like buses though? I guess it
takes women up to four days to get from
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.VanDammeFan.com
Question for Mark:
Mark. Dear friend. Do you think girls think less of a boy if he lets himself be kissed? I mean even though girls go out with boys like me, they usually marry the other kind.
Mark's reply: I sure hope not.
Greetings to you all, "Why does the lofty and often rude and snotty
Wink decide to come down from the mount now?" All right, all right, I
manage to snatch your sarcasm up quickly. After all I use sarcasm on an almost
hourly basis, excepting for the 14 hours a day I need for sleep and resting, so
I can pick it up rather quickly. The bald-faced truth is that there's nothing
new with me or nothing that's as big as other people's activities in comparison
to mine. Every friend of mine is either married, getting married, thinking
about getting married, or contemplating thinking about marrying, so there's
nothing new on that angle with me. Other friends of mine have had recent
bereavements or unexpected additions to what will be an instant family in a few
months. But me? Nothing. So if you felt cheated by hearing nothing about me and
my fantastic life, rest assured, dill pickles live a much more fascinating life
than I do. At least they get to examine more mouths than I do in any case. On
the synodical front things are increasingly bleak and joyless. Attendance at
our schools is low. Missions are closing, as well as some schools too, I've
heard. Tuition continues to go up. Synod still can't figure out how to do math.
And once again, I don't have a call. It was Call Day again today and while I'm
sure the two grads that did get staff calls are just aces, screw them, I've
been sitting on the bench for a bit now, perchance now it's YOUR turn. Selfish?
Egocentric? Snotty? Sure. I guess, but sorry. Can't help it at this point.
"Well maybe that's what is preventing a call, your attitude!" Hey,
I'm bright and rosy compared to some CALLED people that I've had teach me and I
don't have a clue what they could be so bitchy about. Sheesh. There are people
quitting teaching left and right in the church and I don't even get a chance to
resign. That's unfairness. My father just jumped ship and joined the Church of
the Lutheran Confession, or CLC. They broke off from
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.estevez/sheenfan.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, how are you? No, really. How are you handling all this rain? How are you handling the times when it isn't raining? What do you think of the traffic problem? The marriage problem? What do you think of at night when you go to bed, you beast!
Mark's reply: I'm fine. I let the rain handle me. I golf. I avoid 45 during rush hour. I'm not married. I think of flowers and bunny rabbits.
Gosh, it's sure has been a while kids. When I was your age, I could remember people digressing from miles around. They'd get in their old Chevy pick-ups and go to the digression booth at the county fair, which was located right next to the 4H's doll house exhibit and the Port-O-Johns. Ah, those were happy days. But now people are content and have nothing but dewy mornings and wetter nights. There's no one who's a crotchety old coot anymore. 'Cept fer me. (Sound of chewed tobacco wad, clips the spitoon and hits the new white carpet) Shucks, ev'ryone's content but me. Well, if someone has to be the whiny stick in the mud pooping at the party, then it might as well be me. And now here are some random utterings placed in no particular order written in such a poor manner that the incredible verbose and symbolic prose of John Grisham seems competant in comparison. (Boy, he should write a legal thriller once in a while, eh? That would sure break up the monotony!) ---Call Day once again is almost upon us. Gotta admire the pluck of these students, heading off to a joyous or sinister end. Heck, might as well have a job fair on campus that week as well. Chances are it would take care of those that manage to get shucked off the reservation without employment or happiness. Anticlimaticism, that's the MLC way! ---Going over some old college yearbooks, trying to see if my tuition was well used, and did notice that there were some pretty looking lasses in and around the time I was on that campus. Boy, wish I would've gone outside once in a while to actually see them in person, as they look like nice people. Chances are they're all married to pastors by now, but they sure were lovely. Frickin' amalgamation...anyway... ---A friend of mine recently announced her pregnancy to me and several friends. Not that I had anything to do with it mind you, although it is out of wedlock in which the event took place. Let me tell you that it does certainly change the mood of a meal after hearing an announcement like that. I was halfway through a quesedilla when the bomb was dropped. Dumped half of it on my plate, the other half on the table and the other half on my lap. (I was eating one and a half of them at the time, I should've clarified.) I immediately claimed to be the father because I wanted to show my manilhood right away. She then destroyed that by saying there was noooooo way in blazes that I could've been the poppa. And if the meal was ruined before that announcement pretty much ruins what you've already eaten as well. ---Oh, and finally the studios have answered my letters and managed to get Mary Kate and Ashley their first theatrical release. Does Ashley even get burned that Mary Kate manages to always get top billing? It would be odd hearing Ashley and Mary Kate wouldn't it? Almost as odd as hearing Eric and Lyle Menendez instead of the other way around. Or was it the other way around in the first place? Is that humor still too beaten in trying to get the dead horse up again? Would you like to hear my Lorena Bobbit/Tanya Harding/Frank Gifford/O.J. joke? It's a hoot! If not, there's an Iran/Contra affair joke that goes like this... ---Well, dear readers, back into the deluge. Let their be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor. Toodles!
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.#1mariahfan.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, I know that wasn't a question silly. Sheesh, you kookster! But here's a question to make up for it: I was watching Slap Shot the other day and since they put some plot in between the savage beatings on the ice, is it then a chick flick? Wouldn't a guy flick just be 2 hours of blood on the rink and no plot to speak of?
Mark's reply: No. Slapshot is the Citizen Kane of hockey movies. Paul Newman at his best.
Hidy-ho! Yep, I'm bored again. If this site was any more stagnant, we could actually confuse it with Fred Savage's career. Except that Mark wasn't on The Wonder Years. Well, only for two episodes. Anyway, I was watching COPS: Too HOT for TV! for the first time and probably only time. Why? Well, frankly aside from some wrinkly unattractive boob footage and a level of cursing that's akin to what you'd hear in a typical Lutheran dorm room, there's not much to it. I was led to believe that it was indeed too HOT for TV! and it was sorely lacking. I mean I expect that there would be at least one hot tub/prostitution bust, but no. Oh, and are there ever any attractive drunken women that get pulled over at least once? They all look like truck stop urinal scrubwomen with four teeth in various locations throughout the mouth that never had a good friend tell them, "Hey I think you could be happy with just one tattoo on your ankle and that's it. The dragon on your back would be too tacky." Or to make the description a tad simpler: they look like Denny's night managers. Think about it though, there's never a busload of Hawaiian Tropic suntan lotion models that have a mechanical problem in the middle of Podunk and must have police assistance to help with rubbing more lotion on during the crisis. Or if there is, the COPS crew is never with the luckiest cop in the world at that moment. More importantly, I'm never around to assist the officer in question doing my best to be a Good Samaritan. Hey, it's just the kind of noble person I am. So in regard to future COPS tapes, be advised, unless there's a higher echelon strip club bust, chances are it won't be all that much hotter for TV.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.lutheransforOJ.com
Question for Mark:
Mark,
Mark's reply: That's not a question. Don't forget Bizkit.
Well, I think I'll step out of my alcoholic stupor for just a second and
utter some inane comments below. By now the visitor levels must be right around
several billion, so I'd just like to say, "Hi." Speaking of billions
served, the CEO of McDonald's died of a heart attack. There's some lame health
food/"boy he didn't see that comin'" comment to be made here, but I
decline. Do you honestly think that someone with that much moolah would eat at
the dunghole he's the Corporate Exec. for? Nah. "Sure, I'm pulling in
millions...but I like to save at the dollar menu. Jeeves, bring the car around
through the drive-thru! I want a Big N' Tasty and I want it now!" - My
brother and I thought that Norm Abrams should change his show to the Nude
Yankee Workshop. "Heah's this 2 x 4 boahd and I'm gonna cut it with this
heah moitre sah. Oh, and notice that this used cahffee can will be enough
protection for my nutsack." PAHK THE CAH IN THE GAHDEN! Those
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.carpentersfanpage.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, Mark, Mark... Gosh, I've
waited all my life to ask you a question and now the time has come and I'm
drawing a complete blank. Ummm, is it true
Mark's reply: It's hard for me not to have respect
for any person to have ever wed a late
Hello everyone out there! Gosh, it certainly is great to be back to type
missives about absolute drivel once again. I would comment about that Musical
Box show, as I was there as well, but I shall refrain because I dared to go to
the bathroom and didn't get a chance to see the entire show. I know, I know.
I'm not the true fan of elaborate cover bands that I should be, but I really
had to remove a whiz that was building up. And now, after coming back from a
trip to AZ I would like to present something called "You'd Never Hear
This!" regarding some of the states that were traversed through. In
Name and Location:
M. Wink
Email:
allthatshewants@aceofbase.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
So I hear TMB does authentic shows from actual tours. Do they do shows from, say, the Trespass era? If so, wouldn't that be profoundly boring given the lack of material in 1970?
Mark's reply: From what I remember, the earliest tour they do is Foxtrot, which would include stuff from Trespass, Nursery Chryme, and Foxtrot. Genesis' earlier tours were usually with other groups. And, no, it would not be profoundly boring.
Regarding audiences, Mark, I believe it was not just Genesis, but most of
the so-called "prog-rock" groups that had audiences that were
attentive and behaved. I know for a fact Frank Zappa did, at least before 1976,
anyway. On "The Dub Room Special" video, there is excellent footage
from when the Mothers played at the Roxy in
Name and Location:
M. Wink
Email:
Homepage:
www.tiesgentlystrangleamansspirit.com
Question for Mark:
Why aren't bunkers in golf like the bunkers in World War I? I mean, with puddles of muddy water, rats and lice, and stacks of dead soldiers. I think that would be more difficult of a "trap".
Mark's reply: I think it's because Pete Dye doesn't appreciate history.
Why did I cut my hair? The answer is...umm...I really don't know exactly. It just sort of happened, that's all. No fanfare or anything. I still was unemployed, and had no offers or interviews set up, so I didn't do it for that. I just called up my wife and said today's the day, and she said...OK. Then, three hours later, it was gone. So a week after the cut, I get a callback from an emoployer looking for an H.R. person. I think my karma shot up 100 points for the haircut, because in the almost six months I was unemployed (and hairy) I didn't get one callback. Then, a week later, I get one that eventually hired me. Why did I cut my hair? I did it for the kicks, man!
Name and Location:
M. Wink
Email:
flimsyflapjack@ihop.org
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
What's a tie for? Is it decorative or functional clothing? If it is functional (which it's not), what function does it serve? If it's decorative, what is the point of wearing pointless adornments?
Mark's reply: From my limited historical
knowledge of neckwear, I believe the tie started out as a functional element
during meals and, apparently with the advent of napkins, graduated (or was
demoted) to a more decorative role. Men would supposedly use their
necktie to wipe their mouths during and after meals, but now I get weird looks
when I do this with mine...hello! a little sense of history would be
nice, people! Why did you cut your hair, Matt? Don't give me crap
about wearing neckties, you hypocritical bastard! Oh, just so you could get
some sweet action (from a woman this time)...men will do anything for sex with
their wives. Nice points below, by the way. My comment about the
So I saw some interesting recent developments in the whole 9/11 Bush
whatnot. Apparently, Dick Clarke (not the Bloopers and Practical Jokes guy)
says we should have known about 9/11 before it happened, and that he was, to
use a Jurassic Park analogy, the Jeff Goldblum voice of reason character in the
government, but no one listened to him. He's sorely missing the point. NO ONE
saw 9/11 coming as a practical threat. Frankly, Clarke and the rest of the
partisan Democrats are forgetting why 9/11 was so vivid. It was shocking and
totally unexpected. And no one on 9/10 could have predicted what was about to
happen the next day. He advocated killing Bin Laden before 9/11. The last two
administrations also said that killing Bin Laden probably wouldn't have
eliminated the threat. The chance of actually killing Bin Laden was only pegged
at 20%. So stop blaming Clinton and Bush. If you want to assess blame, blame Bin
Laden. He was the one who orchestrated the attacks. Even Joe Lieberman said
that it is absurd to blame an president of unforseen terrorism. I've also heard
that people accused Bush of trying to find a link between Saddam and Osama the
day after the attacks. You're kidding yourself if you didn't think the attack
had its origins somewhere in the middle east. And kids, who was our biggest
enemy at the time in the middle east? Yup. Saddam. He was the first avenue we
searched because he was the avenue down which we thought we were most likely to
find an answer. Why should Saddam Hussein be given the benefit of the doubt in
ANYTHING? Since when was he an "innocent man"? The interesting thing
about this recent discussion is that all this "smokescreen" will do
is sell more books for Dick Clarke and try to make people forget that John
Kerry is running WITHOUT A PLATFORM. I know what you're thinkg, now
("What?!? This debate was started...by DEMOCRATS?!? But they're honest to
the core! Just think of JFK! Wait, he slept with anyone who would shake a
tailfeather in his general direction. What about FDR? Wait, he died at the home
of his mistress WHILE IN OFFICE! Man, this is tougher than I thought...")
The reason Joh Kerry is the Democratic nominee is because he has the best
chance of beating Bush. That's it. He so far has not given any details
whatsoever as to how he intends to practically accomplish all he says he will.
He accuses Bush of negative ads...in his own negative ad. People, please don't
be fooled. Is Bush perfect? Far from it. But John Kerry is not as interested in
helping people as he is in being in power. And now Howard Dean is supporting
Kerry? Weren't they at each other's throats three months ago? What gives?
Partisan politics is what gives, pure and simple. The other thing I think needs
some clarification here: THE GOVERNMENT IS TOO BIG FOR ONE MAN (I.E. THE
PRESIDENT) TO CHANGE. The president can't control everything. Like, say, an
extremely shaky, volatile economy he inherits. An economy that is destined to
fall due to the natural cycle that has been in place since this country had an
economy. Look. We're actually going through GROWTH right now. Remember the
stock market during the
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.beaarthurforpresident.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, can we get a petition going that would make "does the pope s*** in the woods?" the replacement of the positive response "yes" when asked a question?
Mark's reply: No.
Dear all, how are you? Oh, I'm doing just fine. No, really. Thanks for
asking. I think that my brethren Mr. M. Wink of the
Name and Location:
M. Wink
Email:
bubblebathincident@keeptheswellingdown.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
So if King Crimson is in your opinion the second greatest band ever, who's #1? Is it Genesis? I really liked it when they did "Sussudio".
Mark's reply: Genesis...Steve Hackett era. Good points below about the Feminazi movement.
Hehe. A little "I think that's Genesis when that's really Phil Collins" humor. Moving on, what's up with the recent movement in American colleges towards "radical feminism"? I mean, when I was in college (Approximately 2 years ago now. Ah, the good 'ol days...), I was actually required to take a women's studies course. This course turned out to be a lot less fun than the title would suggest. In fact, I was absoultely stunned to learn that there's a "Women's Studies" major AND department! In the spirit of fairness, shouldn't there be a "Men's Studies" department, too? The basic reasoning behind women's studies is that men have no idea what it's like to be a woman, hence we should all learn about women to understand them a little more. Not a bad thought, but isn't the opposite also true? How could women possibly know what its like to be a man? So where's the equity? The argument is usually that since men have dominated everything over the course of history, every other course by default is about men. This is crap. Not all courses are about men. For example, take a look an an English book. There are WOMEN AUTHORS in it, like Emily Dickinson. The some is true of science. (Anyone ever heard of Madame Curie?) True, there aren't that many references yet, but with the course of time, that will change. The point is that women's studies is an area that intentionally excludes male authors and contributions in their textbooks. If everything else were REALLY all about men, shouldn't all the other books include ONLY men exclusively? They don't. It's biased, and in a way a form of retribution. The bottom line is that these courses should NOT be a requirement in modern universities, unless a "Men's Studies" section is also a requirement. Radical feminists seem to think that women deserve some sort of retribution for the oppression of the past. Not from me. I had nothing to do with it. It's not my fault. It's as ridiculous as a white person being forced to pay a black person $1000 for retribution for slavery. We didn't do it, our ancestors did. Sue them. There is also something disturbing going on here, and related to Mark's 03/10 thought of the day (about raising children). My wife wants to raise a family. She truly wants to stay home and be the "mom". When she was in college, she actually had feminists walk up to her and denounce her goals and dreams because "Men want you to think like that. Real women want a career.". WHAT? How dare you determine what she should and shouldn't want to do with her life! Like wanting to participate in your child's life somehow makes you "oppressed". I guess I've had many experiences with feminists, and so far not one of them has been good. And one more tidbit before I go. Feminism has now ceased to be a battle for equality and has transformed into a battle for superiority. Hmmmm. What's the belief that women are superior? Feminism. What's the belief that men are superior? Chauvinism. So why is it OK to be a feminist but not a chauvinist? Hmmm...
Name and Location:
Brett/Here
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
What's the use?
Mark, it appears as if you have mastered the semicolon. Congratulations.
Name and Location:
Chuckles McChucklevitch
Email:
sadbanana@clownsarentfunny.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Is the reason you haven't updated in a while because you had a peaceful, easy feeling one of these nights? Did you take it easy for the long run at the Hotel California? I was there once, but the witchy woman and her desperado ( who came to his senses) were already gone.
Mark's reply: I have answered all questions and more in my digression page. Thanks for playing.
One final thing about the Eagles. They were Linda Ronstadt's backup band. Really. So i don't want to ever hear how good they are ever again.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.jackanddiane.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, Mark, Mark? Do people often mistake you for the author of the gospel of the same name? I must admit I was starstruck until you said you didn't write it.
Mr. M. Wink, are we related? You sound familiar...nah, can't be. Anyway, as
I was listening to my Steve Miller Greatest Hits album I came across your
tirade and was stunned! Are you saying that the great artists you mentioned as
well as artists like the aforementioned Steve Miller, Molly Hatchet, Journey, Styx,
REO Speedwagon, Boston, Kansas, Jethro Tull, and the rest are all undeserving
to be on the classic rock eternal rotation list? I've actually heard those
wonderful fans call in to request Hotel California because it wasn't on the air
for at least 15 minutes already. And your remarks about Stevie Nicks were just
shocking! You didn't mention that between her and Lindsey, she managed to get
the manlier name. Spooky isn't it? Oh, and John Mellencamp,
Name and Location:
M. Wink
Email:
thosearentmypants@hoof_arted.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Who's your favorite: Emerson,
Why are there so many Eagles songs on the radio? Or Bob Seger? Or Fleetwood Mac? WHY? For those of you wondering "Hey, haven't we heard enough of the Doobie Brothers too?", you're absolutely darned tootin' right. My main concern is simply this. When played on the radio, no one has EVER said "OOOHHH! The Eagles!!! Turn it WWWWAAAAAYYYY up, man!!! ALL RIGHT!!!". The reaction is more like "Oh, the Eagles. The rock band for people who don't like rock music. I guess the radio station had three minutes to fill, huh?" And you could insert a lot of bands into that sentence. The Doobie Brothers. Bob Seger. Most Skynyrd. Fleetwood Mac. Stevie Nicks. By the way, about Fleetwood Mac. Not that original, not that good. Quick synopsis of every Fleetwood Mac song: Drums on 1 and 3, Bass on 2 and 4. This created a lewd pulsating effect that was the real reason all these songs were written. Lindsay Buckingham plays riff about as tough as his name. Christine McVie plays keyboard part that's impossible to hear in mix, therefore pointless. Stevie Nicks wears flowing scarves and sings about odd, non-threatening witches/gypsies. They repeat this for a full album. And Stevie Nicks. Stevie. She goes through life looking like Steven Tyler's mike stand, a fate we can all agree is one we wouldn't sentence a serial killer to. It's not that cruel, just WAY to unusual. In particular, Stevie's "Edge of Seventeen" is some ditty, huh? That's the one that goes "Just like a white winged dove, makes a sound sounds like she's singin'...". This song is pretty good, but it could use a hook or something. Something singable. And singable for like 8 minutes straight. That could never get boring, could it? Bob Seger. Just go back to the bar. Really. It's not funny anymore. And finally, rock's version of The Teletubbies, Jimmy Buffett. Jimmy. Novelty songs don't even work for Weird Al amymore. You can't be on vacation all the time. YOU lost the salt, so stop whining about it. And you're not a pirate. You never were. All Jimmy Buffett is is an off-the-wall songwriter that appeals to the "I really like music 'cause I have every Seals and Crofts album and I really dig John Mellencamp" type of person. He's the guy that these dorks point to and say they like because he's just so zany. These people also liked Full House because of the complex issues and deep moral and philosophical subtext to the subtle-but-defined relationship between D.J. and Kimmie. I guess my whole point is that I wish that radio stations would realize how sick we are of these bands, and pull 'em from the playlist. And replace them with nothing but Alan Parsons Project album cuts. All day, every day.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.whywearpants.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, if you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway, why can't people who bring this hackneyed bit up just remove their own tongues to save me the trouble?
Hello to the kajillions of people reading these words right now. Just think,
somewhere in
Name and Location:
Mr. Wurster
Email:
Homepage:
http://www.rareexception.com/Garden/Floyd/Floyd.php
Question for Mark:
What?
Mark's reply: I don't know. Thanks for your digression, though; I really enjoyed it.
Last night proved to be an interesting night in my sleepy little manor in
the exuberant city of
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.beverlyhills90210fan.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, I asked if it was as warm in the country as it was in the summer. The word city was placed there by you as a mental exercise I guess. You see my question is actually quite inanswerable. Unanswerable? CONanswerable. DISanswerable. Nuts.
Mark's reply: Oh.
Name and Location:
Brett/New
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Do you like "Band of Brothers?"
Mark's reply: I really liked the character development in the first episode; in fact, I was really excited to have finally another movie-like series to watch, but then it increasingly became just another Saving Private Ryanesque action show--a darn good one, but just action nonetheless. So I think I only got to the 5th or 6th episode and gave up.
After a long day of classes yesterday, I decided to enjoy a refreshing Coca-Cola. I drank about half of it, and then I set the can on my desk. I soon found myself occupied with other things, and I forgot about the Coke. About thirty minutes after that, I saw the can and was about to throw it away. However, as soon as I picked it up, I realized I still had some beverage left. What a wonderful feeling! Everything's turning up Milhouse!
Name and Location:
Ben Wink, Soulsville, Baby
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.whatchoolookinat.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, is it as warm in the summer as it is in the country?
Mark's reply: Well, Benjamin, that all depends whether or not you take into account the so-called "urban heat island" effect. Due to the increased presence of concrete (which, of course has a higher specific heat than soil, vegetation, and cows, and, therefore, will continue to conduct heat long after the sun has dusked; whereas, soil and vegetation will only embark on evaporative cooling) and also dark building materials (such as siding and roofs), cities often are measurably warmer than the surrounding countryside, especially during the nighttime hours. One might also argue that so-called "waste heat" from air conditioners and other urban-related machinery such as automobiles greatly contribute to the increase of temperature. If you don't take the urban heat island effect into account, then I'd have to say no, no it isn't.
I feel now is as good a time as any for me to say something that has been
burning within me. Now that I have a soapbox of sorts, I feel that my reading
audience will give me the strength I need after I say this earth shattering
statement. I’m coming out of my race’s closet and say just this: I like, no
make that love, the film Shaft. I proudly own this 1971 classic in both the VHS
and DVD formats. I even went out and grabbed up the two sequels, 1972’s Shaft’s
Big Score! and 1973’s Shaft In
Name and Location:
Brett/New
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Mark, I think you have surpassed me in the most up-beat digression race.
Name and Location:
Mom
Email:
ehlkejoy@hotmail.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Why can't there be a web site for the Ehlkes?
Mark's reply: It's because we don't have any nerds from our family who went to MSOE like Greg Mattek...oh wait a minute. We could get one I suppose...if it's made by me, it certainly wouldn't happen until this summer. "may years"? End of critique. Now I could have been the good son and just fixed that typo for my beloved mother, but that would have been journalistically dishonest. or something.
I don't digress well. So I'll pass on this, except to say how wonderful it was to see our entire family joyful about Grandpa going to heaven. Everyone knew how may years he served his Lord, and how he encouraged the whole family to do so. How can anyone survive a loved one's death without knowing they are in heaven? Now I will let Mark critique my digression.
Name and Location:
Paul
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Good digression Mark. Good insight. Emotions are not a end in themself, they
are a necessary means for self-discovery - especially for the Christian
(despite what some dogmaticians say). I'm in
Mark's reply: Getting hammered at a Sem party?...at least that's what I think you told me.
Name and Location:
MW (performing as...Fred Schneider)
Email:
mcsimonmilligan@yahoo.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
So is Todd Rundgren a skinnier version of Kevin Sorbo, or is Kevin Sorbo a beefed up version of Todd Rundgren?
Mark's reply: I never saw the resemblance till now...thanks for pointing that out. I suppose I would have to see them wearing the same dress before making a final conclusion. My question for you, MW: What's with the tennis thing below? Do you have the Australian Open fever or are you just pointing out pairs of people who vaguely resemble each other?
I'll admit it. I've never been into competition tennis. I can't put my
finger on why that is, though. Actually, I think it's because I'm slightly
disturbed by the resemblance of Pete Sampras and Paul Mildebrandt. Admittedly,
the resemblance is hazy, but you must remember that I slept with Paul. On a
side note I'd like to petition that Fred Schneider is the best thing to ever
come from
Name and Location:
Kirsten/MLC
Email:
maidenkirsten@yahoo.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
I appreciated your digression from the 25th. I am sorry to say that I have never read your page before. But for some reason, I was compelled to go to the Cabbage… oh yeah, The Knight’s Page came out today. Anyways, my sister called me as I was reading your digression from the 25th. She told me that a classmate died today because of the snow. She blamed the school for her friend’s death saying that it should have called for a snow day. I then read your digression to her and prayed with her. Well, that is all for now, folks. Thank you for your latest digression. God bless your teaching! Kirsten
Name and Location:
Brett, New
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
How's buck?
Mark's reply: He's doing well. I must say that you're in the running for the most up-beat digression so far.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am no longer a teenager. Yep, the big two zero. Let me tell you something though. This 20th birthday has caused me to examine my life, and I've come to the conclusion that I've wasted it so far. I think it's odd how much praise and admiration a person receives on his or her birthday. "Congratulations! You haven't died yet! That's quite an accomplishment." Now I can understand that for people much older than I. However, the fact that I'm twenty shouldn't warrant any praise...especially because I haven't accomplished anything with my life. That's all I have.
Name and Location:
Paul
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
I'm in New York Now. Where will I be tomorrow?
Mark's reply:
Name and Location:
Former Students
Email:
Don't contact us; we'll contact you.
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Is sexual immortality still causing problems? Yes, immortality.
Mark's reply: "still causing problems"? This is like "Have you stopped beating your wife?" I would think it isn't causing me problems, although I'm not sure what immortality of that sort would mean exactly...not that I would have any use for it in my perpetually single state. If I do have that sort of immortality, I would think the individuals sending me multiple emails a day teasing me with magic, everlasting pills are doing so in vain. I suppose my most pressing concern would be this: Former students of what? The proper use of the semicolon would lead me to believe you are at least past the seventh grade; however, your use of "i.e." creates serious doubt. Interesting posting, nonetheless. (fragment) I'll keep one eye open for the digital photos.
Prepare thyself to be stalked. You shall receive indications as to the identity and whereabouts of said stalkers, ie. digital photographs, in due time that you will need to decipher in order to attain more information. And thus it begins...
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.net.org.edu.www.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, how come Dolly Madison snack cakes don't taste like Dolly Madison?! I was shocked and outraged!
Mark's reply: (none)
Greetings to the millions of you out there who are reading my words. Since the host of this fine website/digression area/cover-up site for some explicit and rather dirty webpages is not digressing or regressing or addressing or redressing or anything, I thought that I would throw some words out there for you, the reader. The reader who obviously has let having a life fall through the cracks in the sidewalk of existence, because you're reading this drivel. And the same could go for me, as I am writing this drivel, however, I shall never let it happen to me for my life is one of adventure, intrigue, and overall laxity and procrastination. Once again the holidays are upon us. That wacky season in which we try to forget that child in a manger to try and get little Bobby the newest, dumbest Sponge Bob creation. Not that Sponge Bob alone is to blame for the neglect of Jesus at this time of year. (The new Sponge Bob Square Pants Underwater Action Nativity Scene is just DARLING!) In any case, I should hope that most of you remembered to send off your Christmas cards to those that didn't send you one in order to guilt them into sending you one. As I was waking this morning at around 11:35 AM, I heard the familiar sounds of people in the apartment next to mine engaging in that most festive of traditions: swearing at each other loudly. Ah, Christmas. For all I know it must be a new holiday hymn, but I couldn't tell due to my new strict adherence to letting people have their privacy and that the glass I held to the wall wasn't big enough. (I did say NEW adherence.) So enjoy this wonderous wonderful time of wonders where despite all the good will that you project in the world this time of year can all result in you giving the finger to some guy who pulled out in front of you in the Target parking lot. FELIZ NAVIDAD! FROHE WEINACHTEN! AND THE MOST JOYOUS YULETIDE TO YOU ALL! (See, I capitalized it, to show my deep sincerity in my expression.)
Name and Location:
Pablo
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Life is rough. About this there is no question. Those who think we will
create a utopia on this earth have only to look at the many failed utopias of
the past--especially the failed attempts by the first white folk to set foot on
this continent. Is there anywhere a land of opportunity, the land of equality,
the land of freedom? Who has attained this. Certainly not the poor. Trips to
Name and Location:
Ben Wink, currently in
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Mark, why do Texans call stuff "Texas-Sized" in their own state? Shouldn't that be their regular size for their items inside their borders?
Mark's reply: Do you get more fries too?
Mr. Wurster, I have nothing but bright compliments on your observations below. Perhaps because you've had the chance to see the town outside of the MLC-goggles, you can offer that perspective on the town without prejudice. So I doff my cap to you and just like you that 2003 Call Day was just as much of a shambles for me. Tough times indeed. Tough, sad times. Didn't know about the D.P. relatives/teacher placements. I wish I were surprised and shocked, but it is just another silent knowing head shake that shouldn't be par for the course, yet it is. When I hear "Lord's Will, so deal with it" when it comes to me and hear about these curmudgeons stuffing the Lord's Call Box with votes so at least their niece or whatever can get placed regardless of the call doctrine, I just get nauseous. Anyway, I'll be brief, for once, and just say thanks for your words. You are definitely not alone in your thinking.
Name and Location:
Mr. Wurster/ New
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Have you had the Schell's Snow Storm?
Mark's reply: No. Is it any good? I tend to like the darker/fuller beers; Schell's Bock is one of my favorites.
Ah New Ulm…cesspool…festering hole…you know I begin to think that people are
mistaking the town of
Name and Location:
Pablo
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
"One of the best strategies of the devil is to warn us against that which is least likely to happen."
Name and Location:
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
I thought Hamlet said that
Name and Location:
Bill S.
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
You stole my line, Pablo.
Name and Location:
Pablo
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
If only sleep weren't necessary. "Oh that my life were bound in a nutshell; then I would be king of infinite space, if it were not for bad dreams."
Name and Location:
Suburbs
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
When are you coming over to help my husband finish the basement?
Mark's reply: June
I'm sitting here procrastinating about doing my homework. Which is really stupid because I am 30 years old, have a master's degree, a job and no real reason to even be in school except I wanted to. But I have one more class to finish (after 3 semesters) before I get my certification in non-profit management, which will serve my career about as well as my undergraduate degree in sociology. Anyway, I took a break to enjoy Mark's rants and be amused by the trials he is facing engaging and challenging his diverse group of students. While doing this I began to reflect on my new job at the other end of the life cycle. I just finished my 3rd week as a hospice social worker. Yes... "I see dying people." Sick humor, but you have to have a little of that to survive the job. So far I've really enjoyed it. Most of my patients are elderly and "a little confused." I never quite know what I will encounter or what will be said when sitting with a patient. I learned a lot over this short time. For instance... If someone keeps telling you they are warm you should be careful when turning down the covers because it can also be code for "I've pooped my pants." You can have absolutely no idea what someone is talking to you about and still have a conversation. You are never too old to flirt...to be mischievous...to have your feelings hurt or be told you are beautiful. That life's too short to procrastinate (OK, I'm still learning that one) That a company actually makes "thickened water" a.k.a. spit so people can drink water without aspirating. That in the end we are again brought back to the basics of our youth. Where what we have or don't have doesn't matter. Where what we know and don't know is irrelevant. Where what you have accomplished is not as important as how you accomplished. Where we can be comfortable being simply who God created. Just maybe these patients are not the ones "confused" after all.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Pablo, try for a non-Lutheran. That'd be the best bet.
Name and Location:
Pablo
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Can anyone find me a quality non-engaged, non-married, non-fickle female? There don't seem to be any in the metro-Milwaukee area.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink, The Lord has blessed me by allowing me to live outside of New Ulm.
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.newulmisforadventure.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, Mark, Mark...why miss complaining about something you're free from? There's a whole new world to complain and whine about! Life is a constant dodgeball game that seems to always throw those little Tachikara balls right in your naughty bits when you think you're safe from the barrage.
Mark's reply: Because I miss my drug-crazed college days.
Greetings to all in Digression-land! I know that the 3.4 billion of you that
have checked the page out in the past couple of weeks are reading too, so
greetings! Ah yes. New
Name and Location:
Missy
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
First of all, I wanted to give a shout out (that's what the kids are saying these days) to Paul and say Happy Birthday a day late. Way to age. Mark, you wanted me to complain about MLC--done and done. So I've had this broken Student ID for forever; it's been held together by packaging tape for the last couple of years, and it has never affected the scanning before. However, one day after chapel I traversed to the cafeteria and they would not let me eat. The powers that be in the cafeteria decided they would go on a crusade against cracked, broken, or faded IDs and made us all go get new ones before we could eat. Thus, I ended up waiting in line for 35 minutes for a new ID or risk starvation. They could have easily put up a sign for a couple of days warning us or telling us to get new ones, but instead decided to annoy me and be retarded about it. Besides the fact that my financial statement is wrong every month, that will end my complaints about MLC and my digression for today. Oh,yeah. My team also lost at disc golf the other day to Professor Grunewald and his son--don't laugh, they're good--they live right off the seventh hole.
Name and Location:
Paul
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Cheer up Mark. Friday night is almost here.
Name and Location:
Mark
Email:
ehlkemd@hotmail.com, mark@thecabbage.com
Homepage:
thecabbage.com
Question for Mark:
How can a banally-unattractive,
average-intelligent person in the
I'm digressing on here because I'm at school and I don't have Frontpage or
an FTP program here. I'm overworked and overpaid. Or is it underworked and
underpaid? Or whatever. I realize I haven't done much real writing for quite a
while, but I was hoping some of you out there would carry the torch for awhile
whilst I'm trapped in this 5th and 6th grade aliterate world. We are working on
how to form paragraphs: fun things like writing a topic sentence/main idea and
then adding (supporting) details to it. My bread-and-butter is usually telling
someone to write more like he/she speaks; this normally creates better flow and
succession. But (breaking a "rule" I'm trying to get through to them
concerning beginning too many sentences with conjunctions) if you could hear
some of them speak, you would realize my conundrum (sp.?) I did have grand
ideas of writing a special state teachers conference edition of The Cabbage,
but that doesn't look like it's going to happen. I miss writing it. I miss
college. I miss free time. I miss...dare I say it...New
Name and Location:
Ben Wink, (Let's try something dreamy and deep...) Oh, I'm wherever the wind decides to place me, baby. Life is like a forest with each of our leaves blowing around this earth, always trying to make it out of the woods and into a new shiny world, baby. (Nah, sounds too poofy.)
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.howardfineandhoward.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, is teaching so peaceful for you that you don't have anything more to digress about? Have you found the eternal oneness that comes from instructing children on a daily basis?
Hello all! Especially that last digressor! Rach, eh? Are you single? Just
thought I'd get that out of the way, first off. Shameless you say? Pish tosh,
dear readers! In this day and age, one must be as forward as one can within the
framework of an electronic ranting format. Oh, are you cute as well? My contact
info is right above, ma'am. Went to the chiropractor today and boy was there a
lot of pain and thrashing going on. And that was just getting into the car!
BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Boy. Whew! Let me catch my breath for second. Ah,
better. My back hadn't been thrown around in pain like that since I last slept
in my freshman dorm bed/couch/torture rack that was provided. I'm not sure he
knows what he's doing exactly, but I'll trust him. At this point to get rid of
the pain in my sciatic nerve, I'm about to either find a witch doctor or go to
Name and Location:
Rach
Email:
@mlc-wels.edu
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
I'm severely wounded by the lack of cabbage issues floating around MLC. I wish someone on this wonderful middle-of-nowhere campus would carry the torch and start writing some good humor. I could go down to the caf on Thursdays and look forward to finding a perfectly good issue sitting right there on the table for me to read. On a side note, there has already been one issue of the Knight's Page out this semester. (could it be a new record for speed?)But, no one loves the KP enough to leave it in the caf for people to read. WE LOVE THE CABBAGE!! (and I'm sure if the freshmen really knew what it was, they would love it too.)
Name and Location:
Ben Wink, Just to the left of the big tree...no not that far left...well, you see the two trees, right?...well I'm over on the far left of the one on the left...on your left...see?
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.ILuvAffleckLopez.com
Question for Mark:
Mark, if you snort all the gas that comes out of the Reddi-Whip container, how do you eventually get the whipped topping out? Uh, just a hypothetical question. Heh heh. Ahem.
Hello all of you out there that are reading my words today. Even if you are
not reading my words and are just scanning them for mention of something
offensive, dirty, or rather risque, I'd like to say hello to you for taking
that supreme effort. Gosh, there must be well over several kajillion people
that have logged on since I last did. Most of them are Iraqis that got their
first PCs and are now able to order overpriced CDs and porn like the rest of us
here in the
Name and Location:
Lizzy B.
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Why?
Now here's a dilly of a pickle... since I'm not a real big fan of my
congregation, I decided that since they're having budget issues, I would
complicate things even more by taking advantage of their $500/year for
continuing education deal. So I decided to take Spanish 101 at
Name and Location:
Ben Wink, Somewhere Near The
Cambodian Border....oops, nope! It's just
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
Don't have one yet, but www.biteme.com has a certain ring, doesn't it?
Question for Mark:
Mark, why do you rain on my leg and tell me it's peeing?
Gosh, a hearty hello to all of you out there in Digressionville! Haven't
been on the site for a while, glad to see that there's still room in this crowd
of well over 100,000,000,000 visitors that have come since I last logged on. To
those of you that were glad of my absence, I can only offer my sincerest
condolences and hope that your mental combination of my phrases "stick
it" and "in your ear" comes to a good conclusion within your
synapses. I have been all over this great land in the past couple of weeks and
noticed several things that I found "quirky" to my severely
Midwestern eyes. ---Is there anyone left in
Name and Location:
Kathie Ehlke/
Email:
ktoppe@wi.rr.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
I would like to introduce myself even though few people may care. My name is Kathie Ehlke…well in theory. I’m actually in name limbo. Legally my name is Kathie Toppe but I married Mark’s brother Scott which makes me an Ehlke, I guess. You see… I’ve been Kathie Toppe so long and there are endless hoops I have to jump through to change my name with social security then change it in approximately 3 million other areas of my life i.e. credit cards and other financial institutions, Dr’s offices, driver’s license, college alumni association, I am certified in the state as a social worker so need to change it with the state, my e-mail addres. The list is seemingly endless. I panic when I call somewhere and they ask my name. I literally freeze and before responding need to think. How does this person know me? Yes, I’m Kathie Ehlke but if I call my dentist to make an appt. Kathie Ehlke does not exist so I have to remember to say Kathie Toppe. I think you know where I’m going with this. I fear I may have committed a felony by signing all the checks we received for our wedding Kathie Ehlke even though “legally” she still doesn’t exist. But what could I do, the checks were made out to Mr. and Mrs. Ehlke. Too ease some of my anxiety about this I decided to introduce myself to the millions of readers of this wonderful website. Since you, well except Mark, are the only ones who know me only as I am… Kathie Ehlke. On a totally different note… As I mentioned, I married one of the 5 Ehlke boys and have to say that if you can get your hands on one you will not be disappointed. By the way… Mark did a VERY good job as an usher. He was responsible, thoughtful of other’s needs, assured everything when smoothly, looked amazing in his tux and even provided some entertainment at the reception. Oh… I almost forgot…he did a wonderful job ringing the church bells! What more could you ask from a guy? Think about it.
Name and Location:
Liz / Morton, I mean "
Email:
iteachkmusic@yahoo.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Is the grass really greener on the other side of the fence?
After being made aware of this site, and reading Mark's digressions and
everyone else's rants, I decided to take a break from my rigorous lesson
planning schedule to bestow my thoughts upon this webpage. First off, I want to
take this opportunity to wish Ben Wink a Happy 25th Birthday. It makes me
wonder... why is it that Ben ages with grace and beauty (don't deny it, Ben),
and while I'm only a mere month younger than he, I can't even get into R rated
movies without getting carded??? I went to see American Wedding this weekend
(which by the way is delightfully more raunchy than its two preceding movies),
and I got carded!!! Of course, my I.D. was in the car, which was parked in the
nether-regions of the parking lot. When I returned with it, the employee declared
it was a fake I.D. because it was an
Name and Location:
Seth
Email:
seth@copperrockcoffee.com
Homepage:
www.copperrockcoffee.com (you will also find me in the background of "man hoeing woodchips" in the August 15 Fleet Farm publication)
Question for Mark:
How do you keep coming up with all those hilarious ideas? (sigh accompanied by silent awe) You must be a genius or something.
yeah, I'm writing again, and it doesn't entail disputing graphic designer's
claims of unpaid invoices or doling out hard-earned coffee money to so many
employees or vendors or non-profit organizations or accountants (those people
make some money, if you were wondering. I'm going to start taking classes in
the hopes of getting hired by myself and maybe some other accounting firm, like
Arthur Anderson or something.) or window washers or artists or musicians or the
city of
Name and Location:
Ben Wink, Soon To Be No Longer At This Desk
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
I guess I would have to say that wherever I place my hat, that's where my homepage is.
Question for Mark:
Mark, how do you deal with fame? The "autograph my 8 X 10 glossy of you for me, because you're cute" letters must be waist high in several rooms by now.
Ah, good day, glad to see all of you here today. This day is just the most
specialest day. The most rootin-tootin' and frabjous day. Why? Because yours
truly has his last day here at the synod office in lovely almost downtown if
you kinda squint
Name and Location:
Paul Mattek/ a computer
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
What are you going to do if you get arrested in NY?
Just watched Godfather part 1 for the first time (I know, I'm way behind on movie watching). Anyway, it definitely ranks in my top five movies of all time. Any mob movie that can place more emphasis on family than the "business" is a keeper. Don't get me wrong, the movie still has plenty of "business" in it, but it isn't the major plot. Not quite sure how to end this rant. I'm 4 vodka Martini's (shaken not stirred) to the wind so I best be going before I incriminate myself by saying something flippant.
Name and Location:
Missy/Manitowoc-Appleton
Email:
hahnke3@hotmail.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
I just read "Breakfast of Champions" (this won't let me italicize)
by Kurt Vonnegut. Awesome book for you guys to read--Ben, with your recent
writing woes, you would appreciate it, if you have not already read it. I
laughed out loud numerous times, to the point where the patrons of the Copper
Rock thought I was a bit odd. Also, if any of you are interested, the Poet
Laureate of the
Name and Location:
Ben Wink, Not In Europe, So I've Narrowed It Down For You
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.whyhitlerwasnotnice.com
Question for Mark:
Did the Treaty of Versailles at the
end of World War I truly end the hostilities in
Hello to all that bother to place the words written in this area before their eyes in order to absorb the digressional juiciness that abounds within. Sorry I haven't written here in a while. I know that the five of you that check on this page have been worried, so I thought I'd unleash with an actual piece that stems from anger and deep resentment, rather than the fluff digressions that I usually write. I'm even going to make it synod-related in a way, so that'll be sure to get the kettle a-simmerin'! I'm not going to talk about the financial worries and mismanagement within the financial structure. I'm not going to talk about how divine calls are just chopped willy-nilly due to financial constraints. I'm not going to talk about how building a chapel on a certain worker training college is poor stewardship. I'm not going to mention the poor misguided schlubs who think that staff ministry should be gotten rid of because it serves no purpose and have errant thoughts thinking that it undermines the pastors. I'm not even going to bring up that for the call days in 2003, I haven't been given a call and the bitterness and anger that stems from that for possibly wasting my time in training for a job that evidently isn't needed because I guess we have all the workers we need for the harvest and have been misled with "called worker shortages" stories for years. No, no, dear reader I am not going to stir the soup with any of those stories. Any one of those is a separate digression in and of itself. Hopefully you have an opinion that should be voiced on these topics. But not me and not today. I am going to talk about something else. I was sent to the synod administration building to write a report on the mission projects funded by the Forward In Christ Mission Offering or the "Let's Get Money for a MLC Chapel Project". Over the course of nine months, I conversed with the people involved with 45-50 projects, collected their stories through interviews, compiled the projects in some kind of order, wrote the whole thing in a narrative form, and all-in-all it totalled around 90 pages. This was to be a final report, informing all the people what happened to the mission projects and what ultimately happened to their money. This was then sent to the people who do the Forward In Christ (N.W. Lutheran) for publishing. This report was to be included with the information handed out at the upcoming synod convention. I realized that 90 pages might be hard to swallow but with editing and formatting, hopefully this would be made to be an easy read and inform everyone about what happened to their funding. It was to be completely comprehensive and would include failed projects as well. This was to hopefully show that some timing was off and would be included to possibly give other churches good ideas that just didn't fly with others. Maybe they could work out the bugs and get the project flying in their own congregation. They just printed off the copies to be distributed. I received what turned out to be a pamphlet of about 10 pages. It talked about only 15-20 projects. There's an introduction written by the administrator of the Forward In Christ funding. My name appears nowhere on this hybrid bastardization. As you can tell by that last word, I am NOT pleased with the final results. I take that much time and the administrator, who has had nothing to do with these projects for about two years, gets implied credit for this report? I was called to write this report and it not only gets hacked to pieces, but I get no credit? Not even a "Thanks to Staff Minister Ben Wink for his aid in compiling the information for this pamphlet" mention? As an amateur writer myself, this is just the biggest slap in the face one can receive. Whenever I tell a joke or a line or a story I had heard, I always give credit sometimes to my downfall, because that's where it is due. I proudly grab whatever credit I can for something I write and stand by it, as should anyone who truly cares about the results of whatever work they do. If I fail to acknowledge who said/wrote something, it's only because I can't recall the name. Ours are God-given gifts and while He deserves the glory, it's nice to know that others appreciate what you do and encourage you to go further. That's why people should sound off in The Cabbage Guestbook a bit more often, if ever. Perhaps I should be glad that my name isn't on whatever they produced. It is NOT what I intended. At no time was I ever contacted for an editing session. At no time was I informed that they were going to hack away. By the way, if this was supposed to be comprehensive, then why hack stuff off? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of being COMPREHENSIVE??? My time has been ultimately wasted then. This report was to be my lynchpin for being called and they even managed to hack and slash that. My whole call situation is in God's hands and hopefully something good will come of it, perhaps judgment day is tomorrow. But when one gets writing and enjoys doing it and likes it and then to have it ripped apart is something that I'd expect from some studio or publisher, not my synodical church. Maybe they did it because unlike a studio, I cannot sue them for it. I should have made them sign a contract. So in a word, thanks for reading my drivel. In another word: AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Name and Location:
Brett/Appleton
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
When are you going to move your clothes out of the living room?
I need to get something off my chest. The other day I decided to have a bowl of Golden Grahams, but to my surprise there was no milk. I cooked a pizza instead. I feel much better now.
Name and Location:
Paul Mattek/ I come from a land, from a faraway place, where the caravan camels roam
Email:
"
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Mark, Missy is more attractive than you. I hope that this opinion (fact)
does not disappoint you, but reassures you. On another note, I can't wait until
I can have another taste of Victor Allen's coffee at the Copper Rock Coffee
Company on
Name and Location:
Mark/Appleton
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Ben, are you saying Missy is more attractive than me? I am hurt, but also reassured by your assessment.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink, Somewhere South of
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
Eh, the Internet is overrated! Who'd ever have a webpage anyway? Losers!
Question for Mark:
Mark, who wrote the Book of Love?
Mark, Mark, Mark...I guess now I have to digress on your last digression. I for one am glad that Missy writes whatever she writes. After all out of the few people that actually write on this, I think we'd all admit that she is the most attractive one, right? (Actually, I don't think I've ever met Senor Mattek, so to say that Missy is more attractive than him is a leap of faith, but one that I'm brave enough to take. No offense intended.) As far as I'm concerned, she can therefore blather on about whatever comes into her mind. So allow me to encourage the lone female writer to compose huge tomes of material to place on here. Some could say that I said that because I'm shallow enough to let her do that because she dares to be attractive. Well, I say that's right! She has the courage to stand up and write witty things and overcome her attractiveness to do it, then I say with a hearty voice: GOOD FOR YOU! Preach on and place whatever nuggets of insight and commentary you care to on this digressions page. AMEN!
Name and Location:
Mark/Waukesha
Email:
ehlkemd@hotmail.com
Homepage:
this
Question for Mark:
How are you so beautiful, yet so humble?
Missy, check your email. This page is not intended to turn into an open forum of communication among acquaintences, but random thoughts viewed by...oh nevermind...I may have mispelled something here but I don't care anymore.
Name and Location:
Missy Hahnke
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Are you in
Hello Boys, Well, although I am not the girliest of girls, I am glad I add
somewhat of a feminine touch to this otherwise masculine rantroom. Here are my
digressions for the day: Number 1--Gay men like coffee, almost as much as they
like Bill and Seth. Number 2--I went to a wedding the other day in a Methodist
church--woman pastor and everything. That was extremely unsettling and the
sermon (or homily as they called it) was completely lacking anything to do with
God. Instead of a benediction she read some Native American saying. All in all,
I'm proud to be a member of the
Name and Location:
Paul Mattek/ Mickey Mouse's Domain of Terror
Email:
look down a few digressions
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
What's your new number
Missy, I deeply regret the hurt I have caused you and your friends. It did not realize the close ties that bind you masters of the English language. It must be tough being so close, almost like sharing one brain. Seriously, echoing Monsieur Wink's comments, I can't believe anyone else actually reads this junk. Thank you Missy. Thank you for joining us in the pursuit of meaningless electronic conversation, which is really no conversation at all. This electronic dialogue, which is really no dialogue at all, needed a feminine touch. So since we are neither engaged in a conversation, nor a dialogue, thank you for joining us in being... electronic.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink, A Dimension Not Of Sight And Sound, But Of Mind
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
As my amazon.com and eBay.com sites were so popular, why get a new one?
Question for Mark:
What is it that has six pairs of
pants, lives in
100,243...100,244...100,245...hm? Oh sorry! Just counting the hits. Wow an
actual real life lass on the digressions page! Hi Missy! Here I just thought
that it was just a room where Mr. Mattek, me, and sometimes Mr. Lambrecht shot
the breeze without anyone reading what we put. But then a real life female
comes in and I'm stumped for words. Let me just slick the hair back with some
petroleum jelly and check my breath. Okay, we're good to go! Occasionally there
will be several things that just pop in and around the old noggin and just
bounce around all day. Sure they can't stick around long enough to base full
length articles on, the lazy sons of...anyway, but they just make you wonder
sometimes. Here are some of the random mutterings that have going on within my
aging skull:----So Britney finally came out and said that she did the deed with
Justin. Gosh. And here I thought what with the whole skimpy school girl outfits
and childlike innocence about stripping layers off on MTV, that she was as pure
as the driven snow. Hasn't this song/video back and forth tantrum been rather
pathetic? Remember the good old days when Neil Young would write Southern Man,
a good song, and Lynyrd Skynyrd would reply with Sweet Home Alabama, another
good song? Now we have choreography battles between former Mouseketeers.
Great.----Is there anything more disgusting than that ketchup water that comes
out on your food first because you didn't shake the bottle? It ruins the bun
and ruins the hotdog/brat/burger too. The only time the gag reflex gets more of
a workout is when you try to bite off a hunk of a stick of butter. (Not
recommended.)----At a recent Brewers game in
Name and Location:
Missy Hahnke--Manitowoc/Appleton, WI
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
This digression is in response to accusations made upon two very near and
dear friends of mine. You know them as Tiffany Schultz and Lucas Buffner. Yes,
I know they have not been very active lately, and I have chided them for their
behavior. But they do have some excuses. For one, Tiffany is like, a very
social, like, totally busy girl, and Lucas is in da gym many hours of da day,
pumpin' up for da ladies. But seriously--Paul, you made good points about
parenting, but have some pity on my two lackadaisical friends. Maybe they have
two jobs and are driving a million miles a week back and forth from
Name and Location:
P. Diddy Mattek/BlingBlingville
Email:
mattek27@yahoo.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
Trinity Waukesha was the church of my youth. I'm glad Mark liked it. I have heard mixed reviews about the new design. Personally, I am thrilled that they updated the design, the old interior was somewhat cold. If anyone reading this, or should I say if the any one person (Ben Wink) reading this has never seen the interior of Trinity, you should check it out. If such a tour is not feasible, you can call or email me and I will be happy to "walk" you through with an audio or typewritten tour. I don't have any new serious parenting flaws to discuss, well actually I do but I'm not quite as peeved about life as last time I digressed, so I won't mention any. I do agree with Mr. Wink's comment about the dangers of pushing kids too strongly into a sports or entertainment career. One little girl at camp goes to "Annie Camp" for 2 weeks every summer. She spends all day back at the church's kids camp singing songs from the hit musical Annie and all the kids think she's odd. I hope she has friends when she grows up. I guess I did mention a parenting flaw. On well, self serving parents need to be lambasted.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink, Hearts of Millions
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
Glad to see so many of you checked out my Amazon.com! My new page is called eBay.com!
Question for Mark:
Why does Spanish punctuation get that cool upside-down question mark at the beginning of their questions and we U.S.ers don't?
A hearty hello to all of you and hope that you have a safe and wonderful 4th
o' July. May you keep all your fingers after the fireworks. Mr. Mattek, I feel
bad because most of my digressions are about fluffy garbage, and you bring up a
good serious point. Another parent that is bad are those that push their kids
into some kind of entertainment area or sport and do so relentlessly and with
malice aforethought to anything that gets in their way. Always good to be a
supporter, not always good to be a dictator. Anyway, following a thought, for
this Independence Day I just thought that I would talk about the
Name and Location:
Paul Mattek
Email:
mattek27@hotmail/yahoo.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
What do you mean by "interesting" ?
I work at a summer camp, and I am sad. In the last few weeks I have seen some of the lousiest excuses for parents on the planet. An example from today. Caitlin and a few other 1st graders were playing with a jumprope. As often happens when more than one or two first graders play with a toy or object intendended to be used by no more than one or two people, someone gets hurt. Caitlin got hurt. She was tugging on one end of the rope, the others were tugging on the other end. Caitlin's grip slipped, she fell, she bumped her head. I took her over to the kitchen to get some ice for her bump. The whole while she was sobbing. In the background of this scene other children were lining up to get a snack. They had been very active all afternoon and were very hungry. When Caitlin had gained control of her tears enough to manage a request for a snack, I said yes. At the same time, Caitlin's mother came to the camp to pick her up. Caitlin began to cry again because she was happy to see her mom. I'm assuming she wanted her mom to know that she was hurt, and then her mom in turn would tell her that everything was ok. Before I continue, you should know a little about Caitlin's mom. She is a highly successful business entrepreneur. She makes six figures a few times over every year. She is divorced from Caitlin's dad (from whom she receives child support). She was married to another man, but he recently left her. As far as Caitlin knows, her new daddy is on vacation for the summer. Back to the story. Instead of reassuring Caitlin that everything would be ok, mother dearest scolded me for not putting a cold compress on her head, at which time I showed her the ice in the towel that I had taken off her daughter's head only a moment before. Her ego having been hurt, mother proceeded to scold her child for asking for a snack because mother had some place to go, the importance of which must certainly have been much higher than the happiness and well-being of her daughter. Moral of the story: if you have the means to make time for your daughter, for the love of God, give her two seconds to eat a snack and tell her that the world doesn't always suck. This story is only one example on a long long list of the egregious mistakes of parenting. Maybe I could turn this into good and compile these stories into a book called "1001 ways to love yourself," oh wait I think Oprah already did that.
Name and Location:
Scott Ehlke/ My Desk
Email:
sehlke@wi.rr.com
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
What do you mean by 'intersting?'
Name and Location:
Ben Wink, 43.218871 N, 88.116508 W or thereabouts
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
After months of planning, I developed one called Amazon.com. Hope you like it!
Question for Mark:
When you order a Belgian waffle in
a restaurant, can you be assured that's how they eat all of their waffles in
WOW! This site is heating up! Imagine what'll happen when TEN people
actually sign the guestbook! Whew! Well anyway, hidy-ho digression lovers! All
four of you are probably eager to hear this drivel so let's get cracking! Mark
D. Ehlke, (by the way the D. stands for delightful!) was going to digress on a
concert topic that we witnessed on Thursday. Since he mentioned it then and it
bothered him more than me, I am not going to steal his thunder and grab that
topic. He can have it and digress all he wants to on it; I shall not touch upon
it. Although it has been four days already and he's said nothing on it. Hm.
Perhaps he's sufficiently calmed down. Anyway, Mark D., his brother Brett (he's
single and charming, ladies!), and myself went to that fest to end all fests,
Summerfest. Held every year on the
Name and Location:
Paul Mattek
Email:
mattek27@yahoo.com
Homepage:
something at geocities because I'm too lazy to learn anything about web design
Question for Mark:
How long did it take you to write the new issue?
When will Lucas Buffner write again? Honestly, his straightforward style is what gives The Cabbage its edge. Although, The Cabbage would have plenty of edge if it weren't for Tiff Schultz. Fire her candy *ss already. I'd rather have Jason Blair (sp) make up some crap about nosebleeds as the leading cause of death among kindergardeners than read Tiff's trite journalism. It also really pisses me off when some bars, which have Guinness on tap, serve it flat - there is no excuse for that. Great edition Mark.
Name and Location:
Ben Wink, Germantown, WI, U.S.A., North America, Western Hemisphere, Earth, The Solar System, The Milky Way, The Universe
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
All this time and yet...none.
Question for Mark:
Does anyone use white-out anymore? Besides to sniff it, I mean.
Hello there Mark and Jake and the well over 100,000 guests that are
undoubtedly reading this right now. Although, to be fair, there must be well
over 100,000 visitors by now, right? There might be 100,078 or even 100,114 who
are poring over these words. Who knows? There might actually be over 18 billion
hits on the Cabbage website within the past five days alone. Like most
Americans, I have the blessing of email. Email is a warm friend. With it I can
communicate and annoy hundreds of people all at once and it doesn't cost a
thing. I can forward meaningless surveys that reveal nothing about a person
other than whether or not they prefer bacon bits or croutons. (These are truly
world-changing questions that show a deep personal conviction in some cause. I
know it!) I fill them out because I'm bored and never read the responses of
others that were just as bored as I was. On a typical day, one can find oneself
barraged with close to a trillion emails a day. Most of them are junk mail and
garbage from mailing lists you signed up for three years ago, such as updates
from Amazon.com and Cutest Puppy of the Week from Uhlfringeer's PetMart. I was
looking over these emails thinking that this must be an accurate slice of life
in America today: All people are balding and impotent, heavily reliant on
expensive medication, obese, needing credit card debt relief and mortgage help,
and have a need to see "college dorm sluts do everything" on a webcam
in the room. They want to work at home making amazing amounts of money while
avoiding having a boss and apparently suffer from small male equipment in the
front. They must believe that since a product was on Oprah (who has been known
to make fabulous choices in wise judgment in the past), it must therefore be
reliable merchandise. Apparently they trust that even though the FBI has
complicated encryption powers, any moron can find their FBI files for only
$39.99, and they just gotta have an acre of land on the moon before it runs
out. You know, come to think of it, this sounds a lot like the
Name and Location:
Jake from
Email:
Homepage:
Working on it.
Question for Mark:
Next time.
Well, thank you to Ben and Mark for their appreciation of my last digression. Unlike last time, this time I definitely have something to rant about. This happened a few hours ago, and while it may not compare to not getting a straw at a Mcd's drive thru, I was very upset by the occurence. I had just gotten back from Bible class and had eaten my supper when I decided to go out for a little motorcycle ride. So I went around the corner of my apt. complex to the parking lot where I parked it earlier on in the day. Well, it was stolen!! What the blazes! I had parked it for a couple of hours and apparently someone needed it more than me. I keep it in a storage garage at night to protect against just such an act, but during the day? Why? Yes, I am upset. I immediately called the police and got the report filled out. The chances of finding it are not good, but hey, you have to try. By the way, this was Suzuki GSXR 600, yellow and black, 2001, if any of you could keep your eyes peeled. If you don't know what that looks like, then you are most likely one of those people who hates those loud race bikes anyway, and are glad I can't annoy anyone with it anymore. So I am a little depressed tonight. Although, I do have full insurance on it, so I will not really lose any money. That may be one of the smarter things I have done in my life. Actually there are a few bright sides to this story. One being that my mother should sleep better now knowing that I am no longer testing God by riding a deathtrap like that on a daily basis. The other good part is that now I don't have to agonize over having to sell it. I almost cried over the last rice rocket I sold. I guess I'll just have to think back to all the great memories I had with it and be happy. Of course, I did have a tendency to ride it in a manner I should not have, just ask officer Johnson (I still say doing a wheelie takes SKILL, and should prove to any law enforcement official that you are demonstrating your bike control). Maybe this is God's way of preserving my life for a few more years because the Lord knows I was seriously thinking about getting into racing with it. Well, not any more. So, I hope it gets found, but if not, what are you gonna do? J
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
Still not a one. It's been tough, but you've been a great source of strength.
Question for Mark:
If you're all alone in the forest and a tree falls down, is it an oak?
First off, hidy-ho to the Jacob Lambrecht express! Good to hear from you! This
past weekend, I had the honor of standing up at a wedding. I have known the
groom for quite some time, dating back to 78 BC when I was a freshman in
college. He is a good guy and his new wife is a great lass. Whilst at this
wedding, which was a happy occasion and some of the most fun I've ever had at
an event like this, I came away with several thoughts and points that ended up
blowing around in my mind like a flurry of snowflakes or dandruff. Enjoy. - Is
there a more awkward piece of clothing than a pair of suspenders? Is it
possible to one day develop something even more difficult for a male to wear?
Trying to get a pair on, let alone getting them on straight, requires the
patience of Job and the agility of Spider-Man. - - While those asked to stand up
are in fact standing up for the duration of the wedding service, could the
bride and groom call on lesser friends to come up at times to prop the wedding
party up after standing for so long? It's not like the service was hours long,
but after perfecting my hobby of sitting down for days at a time, standing more
than ten minutes wears me out like a 16-mile marathon. - - Why do most DJs look
like ex-members of either Journey or
Name and Location:
Jake
Email:
lambrech@sccoast.net
Homepage:
don't have one
Question for Mark:
Why is a mouse when it spins?
100,000 hits! Wow. I am impressed. Thats almost as many hits as I get from
women on any given day. Actually, that's not true. Sorry to have lead you on. I
really don't have anything to digress about. But I can say that living in
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
Still none. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Question for Mark:
Mark, have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
While I’m standing in my bedroom, looking out the apartment window at the
older, semi-attractive lady who lives in the building across from mine, I
wondered if life could get any better than this. There she was smoking and
playing basketball with some boy that over the course of a year I deducted was
her son, and missing every shot she took. Just being able to smoke successfully
while engaging in an otherwise healthy bit of activity absolutely stuns me.
What coordination! What an amazing athletic ability! I then wondered if I could
at an age that hovers around forty would be able to play horse with my son and
still take a puff at the same time. This is just one of the many opportunities
I’ve had for insights and personal reflections I have gained through the
apartment experience. I certainly wasn’t the first person to live in an
apartment; judging by the condition of my place several hundred people have
lived here in just the past five years alone. My thoughts certainly will show
nothing new, but over the past few years, I have noticed several things and
have observed a few tidbits that either amused me or horrified me beyond the
point of ever having a normal life on this planet ever again. Here is an
instance that sticks out in my mind. “If you wake up to the sound of obviously
burly men in your kitchen, they must be involved with maintenance.” It is
approximately 6:30 in the morning. I am restfully enjoying the land of slumber
and dreams. Fairies and unicorns are leaping over canyons of chocolate-covered
chocolate and for some reason the cast of Caddyshack is on the other side of
one of the canyons beckoning me. Seeing Lacy Underall, I decide to leap over to
join her outstretched arms with mine as she promised a Noonan-esque experience
with her. I’m almost across when…BANG!! I sit bolt upright in my bed, fully
awake and craning my head trying to hear better. (I, like most people, am
stupid enough to believe that moving your head an extra three inches forward
towards a sound after the fact will help you hear it better.) I think that
whatever I heard must have been Judge Smails in my dream, sweeping the desk
lamp with his arm because his disapproves of my interest in his niece Lacy, so
I lay back down. Just then I hear muffled voices and the sound of tools
clunking around. I freeze. The noise continues. I could tell that there were
two of them. “What is going on?” I might have been heard telling myself rather
quietly within my brain. Is someone trying to rob me and steal my plates and
dishwashing detergent? Did the landlord let someone in to set up a surprise
birthday party, which would be a true shock as my birthday was a good five
months away? Are there assassins getting their weapons fully assembled and
loaded in order to kill me because I had not used the envelope the power
company sent me to pay my bill with and I used an envelope from my personal
supply? What was going on? Creeping quietly out of bed and to the doorway, I
got my ear closer to the door, because I wanted to hear better and I wanted to
receive a knockout blow if they decided to kick in the door to get at me. Then
I heard the voices talking about how bad my dishwasher was and I remembered. A
week ago I told my landlady that my dishwasher was on the fritz. It was all
right except for the fact that it didn’t use water. And while the prospect of
not having clean dishes but instead a steady supply of heated dirty ones was
rather appealing, I decided to inform the powers that be about it. So the
maintenance guys just came in to fix the dishwasher at almost 7 in the morning
without calling ahead or even bothering to ring my bell. How nice and charming
to absolutely petrify me by coming in unannounced, forcing me to think about
what kind of makeshift weapon I could make out of plastic hangers and several
Calvin and Hobbes books in order to defend myself from possible hired guns.
Aside from that, I hear one of the guys talking clearly, so he must not be
under the sink, actually doing any work. Must be a union steward who signed a
job contract that said he can’t work on Wednesdays through Sundays but pay him
anyway. Anyway, he was spouting off about how all people around my age should
be drafted in the armed services to fight terrorism in
Name and Location:
Ben Wink,
Email:
eminencefront@hotmail.com
Homepage:
Sadly, none.
Question for Mark:
He already answered the Mark S. Ehlke question for me.
Hello Mark and whoever is reading this! Boy, 100,000 hits? That's
incredible! Of course there's probably an elite group of seven people that
check up on this site every four minutes or so, thus causing 100,000 hits in a
short amount of time. Anyway, let's digress, shall I? All righty then. Being
American, I have no choice but to venture into the world of fast food. There is
no other choice, you have to do so, as it says on that great piece of paper:
the Constitution. Seen in the right light, that document resembles the best of
menus, serving freedom left and right, with onion rings on the side. Those
citizens that discourage these types of culinary fast food treats used to be
called communists, but since the fall of the Iron Curtain, that's kind of antiquated,
now isn't it? Let's just call them al-Qaida sympathizers and move on. So I'm
doing my part for patriotism by going to that fine institution known as
McDonald's. Hopefully my purchase on the dollar menu can boost a sagging
economy. So I do through the drive-thru and get a couple McChickens and a large
Coke. Granted, this won't bolster the economy dramatically, but I like to think
that it went up a thousandth of a point because of me. (Imagine if I ordered
fries as well; back into the black $$-wise, my friends!) I go back to work to
eat my meal and as I begin to drink my beverage, I realize: THEY DIDN'T PUT A
STRAW IN THE BAG! I was in complete denial and started rummaging around in the
bag thinking that it must be like Mary Poppins satchel, bottomless and full of
hope. This was not to be. There was no straw. Now this would not irritate me if
I had a smaller beverage. By their nature the smaller cup is easier to handle
and clumsier humans can navigate without worry of spillage. However, the 32 oz.
of cold harsh unforgiving Coke is another story entirely. You might as well tie
a bucket to my head and have me jog at the same time trying to drink, because
the same amount of beverage will spill out. Frankly, it just ruins the day. You
have to take off the safety cover and trust your own meager skills trying to
suck soda out on your own without the aid of a plastic tube. As this was during
my lunch hour and the restaurants in the area are quite far away, I had to live
with it. Are there things in life that can get more irritating than that? Well,
I mean besides the counter people filling your cup to the absolute brim and you
have to pull off trying to get the straw into the top without spilling huge
amounts while driving at the same time. While not quite as bad, it can snowball
into eventually spilling enough beverage to come up to your windows. And I can
just hear some whiny healthy eater say, "Well why do you even go there in
the first place? They're not healthy for you!" Hey, shut it, you commie!
Don't you love
Name:
Mark
Email:
Homepage:
Question for Mark:
I put this here so you can submit a question for the FAQ section
By all means, digress.
Name:
Mark Ehlke/Wisconsin
Email:
ehlkemd@hotmail.com
Homepage:
www.thecabbage.com
I am testing this script out right now. Please work, you stupid moron. i hope it works...
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modified: webmaster