Frequently Asked Questions

Throughout my recent years as an unknown, quasi-celebrity, I have received many frequently asked questions. I decided to compile some of the best ones and have attempted to answer them here. If your question is not answered, please submit it so that others may share in both your confusion and the enlightenment that will surely follow sometime soon on this very page.

1. What does FAQ stand for?
2. What is the point of Daily Digressions?
3. Are you really that big of a loser?
4. How can I submit my own digression for all the world to see?
5. What led you to start a mildly popular parody newspaper?
6. Are you really that big of a loser?
7. What is your political affiliation?
8. What is your life story?
9. What kind of music do you listen to?
10. What are the future plans for The Cabbage?
11. What does the "D" stand for in "Mark D. Ehlke"?
12. Why is the Digressions page narrower than The Cabbage page?
13. Are you related to Mark S. Ehlke?

What does FAQ stand for?

I don't know, but that is a Frequently Asked Question.

What is the point of Daily Digressions?

Daily Digressions is the culmination of a lack of social life, access to a webpage, and years of psychological abuse. Well, the first two are true. DD, as the kids call it, is basically a personal forum to digress about what’s going on in the world. I leave out all the steamy details of my personal life lest anyone be embarrassed by my Casanovian endeavors. Anyway, it’s basically my own thoughts on anything in this world that comes to mind and, as you can tell, is usually stream of consciousness. As an educator I find it fascinating how much more likely I am to write when I have the incentive that three or four dorks out there check this page everyday in order to see what’s on my mind. Publishing is often a good motivator for writers to do well, but in this setting it can also promote quantity and regularity of writing, which is sorely needed among today’s constipated authors (which, again, we all are). In addition to the Daily Digressions, you can also find this FAQ section, some pictures, some guest rants, and a place for you to submit your very own digression, whether it be diurnal or annual.

Are you really that big of a loser?

Yes.

How can I submit my own digression for all the world to see?

Back when I started my original Digressions page I got asked this a lot by regular folks out on the street. The answer is simple: Just click on the "Guest-Rant" link above and fill in the guest-rant page. Yes, it's really that simple! You can digress as much or as little as you want...but the way I see it, everyone's got to digress now and then.

What led you to start a mildly popular parody newspaper?

Back when I was a Freshman at MLC, my roommate (Grant Johnson) introduced me to The Onion. I had read bits of it before, but had never really delved into it much. He and I talked about starting an Onionesque parody paper at MLC, but since we were only stupid, unmotivated frosh, the idea went nowhere. That was '97-'98. For the next couple of years I had the desire to get involved writing for something, but was a little wary to associate myself with the official school paper. (The reasons for this will not be addressed here, but are probably abundantly clear if you are familiar with the paper.) So basically having no readily available medium, mixed with my lack of ambition to create one, caused me to play pool for about two years straight at MLC. But in 2000 the pool table situation greatly deteriorated (thanks to my hard-working student senate). And then I met Seth Hahnke. He and I really hit it off (in a non-gay sort of way) and we both were chomping at our respective creative bits to DO SOMETHING. A few weeks after we first talked to each other, I brought up the idea of writing a parody newspaper. He was in. (Keep in mind, Seth will tell you that he brought the idea to me, but Seth is a model and everybody knows that models are liars.) I believe it was Seth who started the initial layout design and we both wrote about 50/50 of the articles for awhile. Then we brought his sister Missy in on it...or perhaps she was there from the beginning...ah, yes, she was now that I think about it. Anyway, she wrote a handful of articles and regular editorials. Throughout time, since I had no life and Seth did, I ended up writing a larger and larger percentage of each issue. Then this year I basically wrote everything, except for Lucas Buffner and Tiffany Schultz...Seth also wrote maybe 4 or 5 articles this year. That's the short version. For the long version, check out The Cabbage website. (It hasn't been written yet at the time of this writing, but hopefully at the time of this reading, the writing will have been written and, subsequently, the reading of the said writing can take place.) Oh yeah, I took a year off to teach at Manitowoc Lutheran High School during 2001-2002, which explains why we only had four issues; it got a little much to write and teach.

Are you really that big of a loser?

Yes.

What is your political affiliation?

I am currently an independent libertarian who usually votes Republican.

What is your life story?

I was born a poor black child. I was actually born in Mississippi and then soon thereafter moved to Manitowoc, Wisconsin, where we lived through kindergarten. Then we moved to Appleton, Wisconsin. I went to Mt. Olive Lutheran School and then Fox Valley Lutheran High School. Then I went to MLC for four years. Then I taught for a year at Manitowoc Lutheran High School. Then I went back to MLC for a year. I graduated and got a call to Mt. Lebanon Lutheran School in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Sorry this got so long.

What kind of music do you listen to?

Follow this link to see a list of links to musicians I listen to. This will give you a rough idea of some of what I listen to. I also listen to some jazz.

What are the future plans for The Cabbage?

In the immediate future I plan on writing an issue or two for the summer. Beyond that, it depends on time constraints with my teaching call in Milwaukee. It also depends on what Seth wants to do; he and I are talking about starting a different publication in the Fox Cities area that would have some Cabbagesque material, but would be much wider-scale and include a lot more variety of writing such as essays, reviews, and entertainment-like news...and, hopefully, lots of advertising. Many people have asked if anyone at MLC will be taking it over. No. I think it would be great if someone or most likely a group of students would try to start a similar publication there (and I would certainly help out, if asked), but I have not "handed it off" to anyone.

What does the "D" stand for in "Mark D. Ehlke"?

It's one of these. Take your pick.

• Duh
• Dumb
• Detrimental to society
• Dry
• Dork
• Deceptively handsome
• Dour
• Dennis
• Dubya
• Delicious
• Dumber
• Denise
• Delightfully charming

Why is the Digressions page narrower than The Cabbage page?

Ah, another very important question. And one that I believe deserves a well thought out answer. I thought that it would be easier to read long digressions with a narrower format, rather than trying to connect line after line all the way across your computer screen. If you have a newer monitor and it still takes up most of your screen, you might want to crank up the resolution a bit. Also, I wanted to set my own site apart from The Cabbage site a bit...for what reason, I don't know.

Are you related to Mark S. Ehlke?

No. Some people ask me if he's my brother or something...yes, my parents decided to name multiple sons by the same name. To do that, you would have to be a former heavy-weight champion boxer or something.